Chef's Widow

2008-04-13T21:23:00.002-04:00

HAS MOVED! CHECK OUT THE NEW DIGS AT WWW.CHEFSWIDOW.COM.

That's right bitches I've moved up in the blogger world. New address. New server. My very own dot com. Fanfuckingtastic!

Viva La Revolución!

The High of Hiking

2008-04-11T09:21:00.005-04:00

I am so sorry for lack of posts this week but between trying to get the new restaurant's website up & running, Biggie Smalls teething, & Catcher's lack of sleeping in his own bed I am one tired widow.

Yesterday we managed to get the hell outta dodge and go hiking in Brecksville Park. A place close to my heart & my relationship with the chef. We used to 'hike' in Brecksville Park when we dated in high school. And when I say 'hike' I mean smoke weed and talk about upcoming indie flicks. Yep, we were those guys.

No longer are we those guys. But we still act like it. Somehow we managed to get the entire family lost in the woods. We eventually had to climb up this big ass hill & walk up the road to our car. Chef's Widow should know better. The chef couldn't find his way out if there was a gps system ingrained in his palm (his actual palm not his phone).

Who knew the Mushrooms were Magic?

2008-04-09T08:47:00.004-04:00

Chef's Widow
ca. 1997

Laugh amongst yourselves.

Moving Day Coming Soon

2008-04-07T12:24:00.002-04:00

Blogger sux. I have decided to move over to typepad. Currently I am trying to figure out how the hell to use typepad and transfer my blogger address to my new domain name: http://www.chefswidow.com. Hopefully this will be up and running by the end of the week. Until then here is some vintage vids of CatcherCrazyFace @ the Farmer's Market in Peninsula:

On the cover of the Rolling Stone

2008-04-03T12:21:00.003-04:00

not the cover of a Rollin' Stone...but it'll do!

Well we're big rock singers
We got golden fingers
And we're loved everywhere we go
We sing about beauty and we sing about truth
At ten thousand dollars a show
We take all kinda pills
That give us all kinda thrills
But the thrill we've never known
Is the thrill that'll getcha
When you get your picture
On the cover of the Rollin' Stone

Wanna see my picture on the cover
Wanna buy five copies for my mother
Wanna see my smilin' face
On the cover the cover of the Rollin' Stone

I got a freaky old lady
Name a Cocaine Katie
Who embroideries on my jeans
I got my poor ol' grey haired Daddy
Drivin' my limousine
Now it's all designed
To blow our minds
But our minds won't really be blown
Like the blow that'll getcha
When you get your picture
On the cover of the Rollin' Stone

Wanna see my pictures on the cover
Wanna buy five copies for my mother
Wanna see my smiling face
On the cover the cover of the Rollin' Stone

We gotta lotta little teenage blue-eyed groupies
Who'll do anythin g we say
We got a genuine Indian guru
Who's teachin' us a better way
We got all the friends that money can buy
So we ne ver have to be alone
And we keep gettin' richer, but we can't get our picture
On the cover of the Rollin' Stone

Wanna see my picture on the cover
Wanna buy five copies for my mother
Wanna s e e my smilin' face
On the cover of the Rollin' Stone
On the cover of the Rollin' Stone
Gonna see my picture on the cover
Gonna buy five copies for my mother
Gonna see my smiling face
On the cover of the Rol lin' Stone

Come join my famous ass at TONIGHT at Bar Cento's Rock'n'Roll Wine Project tonight:
Rock out to Dr. Hook on Vinyl.
Drink badass wines from Down Under.
And most important...hang out with me!

The Weight of a Woman

2008-04-02T22:12:00.008-04:00

The chef & I have a guilty pleasure.

America's Next Top Model

Somehow we got hooked and now we faithfully watch on TIVO any chance we get.
It's horrible.
It's self indulgent.
It's discriminatory towards women.
And Tyra is probably the most self indulgent human being on the planet.

But we watch it. And we love it.

Until now.

Tonight we spent the evening in, drinking some fantabulous Pinot Noir and watching ANTM (and Top Chef, but that's another post).

The gist of the episode was that the models go on a go see. A go see (for those of us who don't model &/or do cocaine) is a meeting with a designer to see if the model is right for them. The girls try on clothes and walk the imaginary runway.

It's hardcore and very deep.

This season there is a plus size model. She's a size 6. Her name is Whitney and everyone at ALL of the go see's said she was too FAT.

I almost died. Bitch is hot.

It has been a long while since I have been a size six and I am ok with it. I was never smaller than a six. I always had the boobs that ruined the illusion of skinny. I was always voluptuous.

Whitney, the plus size model on ANTM is definitely WAY smaller than I am. I absolutely could not believe that these designers were dissing her because of her size.

How is it that in today's time we can still skulk at women who are not a size four? Or a size two? Or the bullshit size zero? Women's bodies are not made to be bones. They were made to produce children. Whether you want kids or not, the anatomy and physiology of our bodies proves that fact. We have boobs. We have hips. We have ass. Our hips expand and contract. We get cellulite. Our thighs are bigger than most dudes that we sleep with.

How have we not gotten past the idea that a beautiful women is all bones and no meat??????

Women are amazing. And beautiful. They inspire men to write epic poems about them. They inspire breathtaking art. They inspire beautiful and amazing music.

But yet we want them to be diseased. We want them to puke. We want them to eat bullshit diet pills.

It is SO SO SO amazingly fucked up.

I have issues with my weight. I always have.

Even when I weighed 113 lbs in 12th grade, I thought I was a fattie.
In college I gained some weight. When I moved to Italy I gained some WEIGHT.
When I got back to the states I realized that I had gained a few. + 20. I puked my way down.

After that I knew that I was fucked up. I never did it again.

Two kids later, an apron, & an extra 20 lbs, I am ok with body.
Granted I am trying to lose a few lbs....

BUT...I am happy with my shape.
I will never have a body like Nicole Richie. And I don't want to.

I have boobs. I have a booty (wish I had more). I am a Renaissance woman.

And the women were beautiful. And I am beautiful. And Whitney is beautiful. And Tyra Banks can go fuck herself. Because if it comes down to it and she needed a job, girl could only get hired for PLUS SIZE.

And she is beautiful.

I know, I know

2008-04-02T16:43:00.001-04:00

I'm an asshole. And I'm not prego. Just a little something something in celebration of the fool. Gotta keep the chef on his toes you know?

Ooops...we did it again!

2008-04-01T11:50:00.003-04:00

Unfuckingbelievable.

Remember this post ?

Well apparently it didn't work.

I have been feeling kinda crazy for the past few weeks and thought something might be up. But I never thought this.

Looks like our foursome just turned into a fivesome.

Overheard in Strongsville

2008-04-01T09:21:00.002-04:00

Anybody read that blog Overheard in NYC? If you haven't you should especially if you live or have lived in NYC.

Now that the chef & I have moved back to the 'burbs in the Midwest, I have decided to start my own Overheard series. Actually it will probably just be this ONE post because I try not to hang out in Strongsville to often.

Why?
Because people still wear white jeans here and I don't talk to people who wear white jeans.

The chef & I snuck out to a place called The Pub. It's a bit fancy pants. Their wine is WAY up charged and their food is ok. I had a glass of Penfolds for $13. Apparently it was NYC prices night...

There were these two women chillaxin' at the bar. Probably in their late 30's or early 40's. One of them has a mean southern drawl. When I say mean, I mean FAKE.

When we walk into the bar the women check out the chef (he's got tattoos), and look me up and down. Not obviously at all.

They were chattin' with the bartender who was the same age. There were two tv's that were showing My Dad is Smarter than your Dad, something I hope the rest of the world can watch so they know how smart us Americans really are. Pysch.

The chef and I are watching this garbage and quietly (as quiet as you can w/ the chef) making fun of the show. These ladies overheard us and loudly asked the bartender to change their channel:

Lady #1 (in a mean southern drawl) : "Can you change the channel puhhhhleasse?"

Bartender: "Sure, what would you like me to put on?"

Lady #1: (in a mean southern drawl): "I think Dancing with the Stars is on."

Lady #2: "Oh isn't that Adam Corrolla guy on that?

Bartender: "So this is good?" {putting on DWTS}

Lady #1: (in a mean southern drawl): "Whatever. I don't watch TV."

Lady # 1: (in a mean southern drawl): "I only watch sports."

Closing Duties

2008-03-31T08:55:00.006-04:00

Even when the chef was a sous chef he never worked past 2. And that didn't happen very often. He has moved up the ladder in the culinary world and his last two positions allowed him the freedom to leave way before 2 am. When he was Executive Chef at Parea he had a pretty constant schedule. The boy & I were alone alot of the time. However he never worked so late that he would have to sleep in (all morning) on his days off.
Now it's a different story.

Somehow he has managed to become Chef Partner at a restaurant that works him more and harder than any other restaurant has. Three days a week he closes the restaurant which means he gets home @ 4am. Most mornings he leaves for work at 9 and stays till at least midnight.

His schedule sucks. He will never admit this. But as a chef's widow, I sure as hell can.

He has been trying to make it better. Changing his days off and so forth. But all that really means is that those are now the days he will sleep in after closing. It's such a Catch 22. He has these new days which seem to work better but he spends the majority of them sleeping so it feels like we have a lot less time with him. And I am sure like he feels the same.

The Chef & the dogs still asleep as I type this. It's 10 am and Potato & Vito have not left the bed. Seriously.

Lesson Learned:

Partnering, Owning, or having your name on the sign=more work for less money. At least less money right now. I know at some point someone's gotta realize how bad ass the chef is.

Boiling Water is not Cold

2008-03-29T11:11:00.002-04:00

My dumb ass managed to get a pretty sweet burn last night. Not only did I dump scalding hot water on my thigh but I also managed to dump half the pasta I was cooking down the drain.

It was a really fun Friday night!

A Chef's Fantasy is

2008-03-28T18:58:00.006-04:00

Me......MEAT!!!!!!

One of the perks of being hitched to a chef are the events. Last night I headed to the Ritz for the Chef's Fantasy Cystic Fibrosis Dinner & Auction. The chef cooked a roasted Goat Porchetta appetizer for the VIP reception and the dinner consisted of about seven other chefs serving their own creation.

Everything was so freakin' fantastic.

I really don't know how I am gonna lose this double chin if I have to keep eating sheep's milk ravioli, braised short ribs, and 30 layer torte's at every event that the chef is involved in. Not to mention the amount of wine that I had no problem guzzling up...

Conversations w/ Catcher

2008-03-27T08:04:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we took the kids to the Cleveland Metroparks (kinda like a giant Central Park) for some outdoor fun. We parked the car, packed up the stroller, and headed on our merry way. The following took place about 10 minutes into our 'hike'. Catcher had been saying hi to all the people who were passing us. Dogs included.

A woman is walking at a face pace towards us. She is tall and very pretty.

Catcher: "Hi!, What are you doing here?"
Pretty Woman: "I'm running."
Catcher: "Kewl."

Woman passes us and Catcher turns to follow her.

Catcher: "Byyyyyyyyeeeeee!"
Pretty Woman: "Bye sweetie."
Catcher: "I LOVE YOU!"

At this point the boy begins to blow her air kissses and proceeds to catch the kisses he assumes she is blowing back his way.

Pretty Woman: "I love you to!"

So apparently the boy likes hot chicks. He must have said hi to about 10 people before his love profession to the pretty woman. So so so hilarious.

Look at Me! I'm Famous...

2008-03-26T13:58:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago I was contacted by a CNN reporter who reads this blog. She interviewed me about the way spouses fight and how the chef & I seem to have a good thing going. Here is the finished product:

Fighting with your spouse can be good for you health

And the Mom of the Year award goes to....

2008-03-26T11:40:00.003-04:00

Me!

for making this awesome breakfast for the chef & the boy:

Grateful Ed's Buckwheat Pancakes w/ kick ass Grade B Maple Syrup
Fresh Squeezed Florida Orange & Tangerine juice

I think I was trying to make up for my working lunch the other day...

I Love my Kid, but his Shit Stinks

2008-03-25T17:34:00.002-04:00

Ok so the kid is potty trained. He doesn't pee his pants. He is pretty awesome about it and has done really well with the whole underwear thing. Although he does have a major tude toward the pullup.

It's great all day and the night tends to be a bit problematic. Basically when he wakes up to pee in the middle of the night, I wake up. He will absolutely not go to the bathroom without me and will not pee in a pullup. He will however poop in a pull up and remove it. This has happened twice this week and I can't say that I am a fan of it.

Today during his nap he decided that it would be cool to poop in his pullup, take it off, and wipe it on his chair. The entire time I didn't have a clue. He didn't leave his room. Nor did he call for me. In fact I found the shit about an hour after he woke up. I never went to his room when he woke up so I had absolutely no idea about the brown mess all over. Yuckster.

I just don't know what to do regarding the poop situation. How do I get him to call me when he is sleeping and has to do numba 2? The time before this was not as gross but still wrong. Instead of taking a load off in the pullup, he decided to squat on a library book. Again, yuckster.

Anyone know of any magic cure to stop the boy from shittin' where he sleeps?

PS....If you take out books from the Cleveland Library, I would advise skipping The Trucker.

Top Fives

2008-03-25T08:04:00.005-04:00

My Top Five:

1. Ewan McGregor
2. Justin Timberlake (I can't help it)
3. Johnny Depp
4. Sawyer from Lost
5. Daniel Day Lewis

The Chef's Top Five:

1. Franka Potente
2. Alicia Witt
3. Connie Nielson (from Law & Order)
4. Robin Tunney
5. Juliann Nicholson (from Law & Order)

Obviously the chef is a HUGE L&O fan. Who isn't?

Who are in your top five?

Working Lunches & Antique Automobiles

2008-03-24T18:54:00.011-04:00

Today was a jolly fun day. The chef changed his day off so the past two Monday's have been a family day. It is so nice to actually hang out with him and the kiddies. I think we sort of lost sight of how important one day can be.

We headed to University Circle with anticipation of checking out the Cleveland Art Museums' Arms & Armor exhibit. However when we approached the joint, the chef had the brilliant idea to ask the boy if he wanted to go to the car & plane museum or the sword fighting museum. He choose cars. So we headed to the most boring museum on Earth, The Crawford Auto & Aviation Museum. It was AWESOME, insert eye rolling here. It was like going to one of those crappy restaurants that have the oldie car shows on the weekend. Only we had to pay to get in. The only cool thing about the museum was this kick ass woodie station wagon that would be so awesome if it could be converted to biodisel.

The boy kept lost his shit because he wanted to climb into every single car and of course that is not an option. We sprinted through the rest of the museum (costumes & baseball) and got the hell outta there before he had a melt down.

We headed towards downtown CLE in search of some libations (for me) and food for the fam. After ten minutes of NOT deciding where to eat we finally headed to Lola, the restaurant of Cleveland's hottest chef (ca. 1995):

After enjoying two bloody mary's, a yumster fried bologna sandwich, mac & goat cheese, oysters, and a hanger steak, we hung out with Mike for a little while and then headed home. The kids were tired and mommy was a bit buzzed. Nothing says good mom like drinking bloody mary's on a Monday afternoon...

When we arrived at our ghetto fabulous casa we discovered that our lovely 1997 luxury Whirlpool fridge was broke. As I type the chef is throwing shit around swearing at an inanimate object and basically losing it. Nothing says day off like fixing a broken fridge.

Whew. Well now that that's over...

I am going to order some Thai food and watch I am Legend. You know how I love those crazy scientologists.

Monday's Munchkins

2008-03-24T17:59:00.003-04:00

Easter dinner @ Bar Cento w/ CatcherCrazyFace & Biggie Smalls

Face of a Boy

2008-03-21T09:35:00.003-04:00

One Year Old Catcher Perfects the Pout

Your Food Sucks Tyler Florence

2008-03-20T21:26:00.003-04:00

It has been quite awhile since I have dined in a chain restaurant. Come to think of it I can't remember the last time. I think I might have been prego with Catcher and my girlfriends were having lunch at TGIFridays.

We avoid them like the plague. When you are married to someone who can basically tell you where any type or kind of food came from, how much it cost, and how chemical & preservative filled it is, you tend to skip the large corporate chains. We are local whores, I mean localvores. We eat local. We spend our money local. And we try to buy local food.

Tonight was a different story. I was at my dad's and he was meeting my stepmother at Appplebee's. I had the kids. The boy was insanely hungry. Biggie Smalls was sleepin' so I thought what the hell, it can't be that BAD can it?

Yes, Yes it CAN. Worse actually than what I imagined.

When we got to the Applebee's locale there was a wait. I immediately headed for the door. There was absolutely no way in hell I was going to wait for Applebee's. The Spotted Pig, yeah I'll wait. Franny's, I'll wait. Applebee's, Fuck no.

The boy started to lose it just as the 17 year richster (hipster+trust fund kid) called our name. We were paraded through an aisle way of fatties that was about 16 inches wide. It was like a corral. The booth we sat in was literally 12 inches away from the next table. It was awful and packed and smelled like grease.

I started to read the menu and remembered that Tyler Florence (someone I had never even heard of before the chef informed me who he was) had some kind of deal with Applebee's. I looked for his special signature dishes and ordered the Bruschetta burger. And no I wasn't drunk.

We waited and waited and waited. Finally when Biggie Smalls started to freak out our server came by to tell us the kitchen was backed up. Mother fucker. The boy started losing it (as he does whenever his little sis is sadface) and I seriously thought about booking. Finally our food came. I didn't expect it to be good. But I didn't expect it to have a slice of cold mozzerella cheese on it either. It was on a soggy burger and the so called Bruschetta tasted like burnt oil. Honestly it was supergross. I feel like yaking right now. Actually I think I might make myself yak. My stomach is a rotten mess and you wouldn't believe what just took place in my bathroom.

I wish I just went home and skipped the $10 grossfest. Shit for $10 I could go down to Bar Cento and eat an Ohio beef burger with pomme frites and chilli mayo. So all in all I have pretty much decided never to go back to Applebee's or shall I say Crapplebee's. Or Fattlebee's. Or Nastybee's. Or Applebutt's. Or just plain shit.

And if anyone calls me a food snob you can go (insert middle finger here). No one should be OK with paying $10 for a disgusting frozen preservative filled meal. Just because you live in the burbs doesn't mean you should settle for food that is going to kill you sooner than later.

*****In all fairness I know that Tyler Florence wasn't back in the kitchen cooking my shit hamburger. I am sure some 17 year old stoner was responsible for that mess.*****

La Sex Tape di Lohan

2008-03-20T13:12:00.003-04:00

With the imminent release of Lindsay Lohan's sex tape as well as the disturbing photo's of Kristin Davis oral abilities, I can't help but think about the similarities between porn stars and Hollywood stars. I can't help but question whether or not the photos and videos of today's starlets are purposefully made and then released. I just don't understand how a woman who is in the public eye could even think of filming herself in compromising positions. No pun intended.

I am an open minded individual. I speak my mind. I am honest, sometimes brutally. I love my husband. I think I am sexy (well I used too). I have great tata's and I love me some lovin'. BUUUUTTTTTTTT....I would NEVER tape/shoot myself in anything that would be considered rated R. PG-13, yes... I've gotta mouth like a sailor and the chef is worse, but there is no way in hell that my ass or his ass is gonna be showing up on some videotape. And we're not even famous.

I really believe it is all publicity. These girls don't give a shit if their lady business is flashed on Page Six and they sure as hell don't care if they are humpin' on film. That's where the money's at. Fuck making a real film, Lohan will probably make more money off of her sex tape than any movie she has ever made. And what does that say about our society today?

I am not a fearful woman. Fox News does not scare me and I was never afraid of terrorists when I lived in New York. I do not instill fear in my children and I do not live in fear of the bullshit propaganda that the media puts out there on a daily basis.

I do find myself being a bit fearful of the society my daughter is going to grow up in. I see these girls today and I am appalled by their clothes, their language, and their life dreams. Paris Hilton is a role model and I still don't know why. The young girls in our society seem to be directionless. Wandering nowhere looking for fame and fortune without lifting a finger.

I know that as a mother I will teach my daughter what I think is important about being a woman. I will introduce her to Tori Amos and Ani DiFranco. I will read books to her by great women like Ayn Rand and Sylvia Plath. I will encourage her individuality. I will embrace her life and I will try to show her the path of goodness, respect, and independence. I am a strong woman and I will show her that she can be one too.

Why is it that these girls in the public eye have no sense of the above. Are their mothers that taken over by greed? When they look at their daughters do they see a little girl or a Bentley? Unfortunately I think it is the latter and I think that these girls will end up 80 years old dying of emphysema alone, broke, and regretful. And that makes me sad. No woman should end up that way. Famous or not.

A Day in Pictures

2008-03-19T21:28:00.004-04:00

The End

Tag Virgin

2008-03-18T10:19:00.006-04:00

This 'tag' thing is new to me. In the millions of years that I have been writing this blog I have never been tagged. Not once.
Earth Muffin took my tag virginity today and asked me to write my own six word memoir.

Local loving, kid toting, chef's widow.

Now according to the rules of the tag I must tag 5 of my blogger friends:

Tagging begins in 5....4....3....2....1......

Cleveland's a Plum: because she is real and awesome and I know cause I met her at Bar Cento last Saturday.

Symon Says: because I know what the first three words of his memoir would be (if he actually wrote one, which he won't...dude's got a lot on his plate right now). And because he gave the chef a nice little shout out on his blog.

Go Erin Go: because I am sure she has little time between being married to a guy in culinary school and training for a marathon.

Finding Our Way: because anyone who confronts hardship like she does is ok in my book.

Hot Coffee Girl: because she is one funny bitch.

I Just Found Out

2008-03-17T22:23:00.002-04:00

that one of my super duper favorite actors is a scientologist. I am so so so so so so bummed. Cults aren't cool Giovanni.

The Chef & The Chick

2008-03-16T17:44:00.004-04:00

The Chef & Biggie Smalls loungin' on a Sunday

Sometimes the Blonde Shines Thru

2008-03-14T17:33:00.005-04:00

Sometimes I can be an ass. For example:

When we had Catcher we decided to buy a dvd camcorder. My parents had one of those GIANT old school videotape camcorders that they lugged on every vacation. Every now and then I will check out one those tapes (at my parents cuz we don't have a VCR) and get all nostalgic and misty eyed. Plus it is pretty great to hear my mom bitch for 7 hours straight at Disney World (no offense mom).

So we bought this thing and have used it pretty frequently. The chef even recorded his marriage proposal. We have Disney trips, St. Barth's, Brooklyn, and NYC life all on these little mini dvd's. Sounds great right? No. Not when you can only watch them off of the camcorder.

Or so I thought until yesterday when I figured out that you have to finalize a mini dvd before it will play on a dvd player. Seriously I had no idea. For the past three years I have been so mad at this damn camcorder. I have hated myself for buying it. And now it all turns out that the camera doesn't suck, I do.

Last night after discovering the beautiful world of dvd finalization, I skipped Lost and immersed myself into the history of our little family. It was so much fun and I must admit that the chef, Catcher, and I have made a pretty good team. Plus we're all pretty f'ng hilarious.

In my trip down memory lane, I found an especially amusing video. It was the only one that the chef had full taken control of. It was Catcher's first Thanksgiving and our best friend M was in town. Basically the chef filmed about five minutes of the food and feast and the rest of the tape was him filming his & our friend M's super secret dinner conversation about nothing. It was so romantic. It was so silly. It was a little man gay.

It's funny cuz we are both best friends with M but we both have such different relationships with each other. The Chef & M act like a married couple. They do. They are like BFF till they die and they usually speak in code or song lyrics. It can be annoying especially if you are 7 months pregnant and they are drinking scotch and smoking camels in front of you.
M & I are like drinking buddies. I know that if I ever want to have a fun night, M is the person I wanna hang out with. I don't think I have ever had a bad time with him. Well other than the time he told me I was fat but that's a whole other thing...

This Thanksgiving video of those two goobers is golden. If only I could upload it to youtube. I'll probably figure that out in a couple years. And by that time if I still have this blog I am gonna shoot myself.

Ummm Yeah...I'm Bored

2008-03-13T15:47:00.006-04:00

Because I am still relishing on the fact that I actually spent an ENTIRE DAY with the chef yesterday I got nothing to say. So I stole this fantastically interesting quiz from Cleveland's a Plum, a new blog that I have been reading as of late. Enjoy bitches.

here are the rules:
1. go to www.photobucket.com
2. type in your answer to the question in the “search” box
3. use the first picture
4. copy the html and paste for the answer

what is your relationship status?
what do you look like? (I typed in 'a girl)
what's your name?
describe yourself

what kind of pet do you have?where do you live?

where do you work?

what do you drive?
what's your favorite candy?what is your favorite movie?

who is your favorite band?
who is your celebrity crush? obviously.

Lucky Mamma

2008-03-12T21:35:00.004-04:00

I am

The Family That Sleds Together

2008-03-11T08:13:00.005-04:00

is AWESOME!!!!

And if I'm honest...a bit horny

2008-03-10T16:53:00.002-04:00

Fanfuckingtastic.

Blogger Bites My Ass

2008-03-10T14:21:00.002-04:00

I really need to get the hell away from blogger. It is so so so soooooooooooo SLOW to load and now it won't let me upload any pictures. I guess I am going to have change servers this is just too much. I really don't have an hour to fuck around with blogger and then have nothing come of it. Hopefully it will start to not suck so I can post what the hell I have been trying to post. Ahhhhhh!

The Chef & The Iron Chef

2008-03-07T15:11:00.001-05:00

My fabulous is on Iron Chef America this Sunday eve helping out his buddy Mike Symon. Good times. Great Fun. Secret Ingredient: Thumper.

Mommy gots her hair did

2008-03-06T20:15:00.004-05:00

After an all nighter with biggie smalls I decided that the only thing that would cure my anxiety (besides a kettle one dirty martini w/ blue cheese olives) was a new 'do.

I Hate Winter & Ice & Black Ice & Snow & Driving in the Snow...

2008-03-05T08:50:00.004-05:00

When is this damn winter going to be over?????

I feel like a caged bird. The boy is losing it. The chef is losing it. I am losing it. Even Potato & Vito fear the outside as it is too cold for their precious skin. Biggie Smalls is the only one of us who hasn't lost it~ but that's just because bouncin' makes her happy. So so so so happy.

Welcome to Cleveland Bitches!

2008-03-04T21:32:00.005-05:00

It was 65 yesterday. Today there's an ice storm. Awesome. Totally awesome.

Without the Bitter...

2008-03-04T09:27:00.003-05:00

So many things are insanely bitter right now. I just don't have it in me to pour it all on the page.

To cure the boredom stop by and check out the boy & biggie smalls' webpage.

If you feel like laughing or watching robots check out the boy's YouTube. It is not funny at all.

Congrats Kim C. on winning the Rock-n-Tots & Cook Chefin' passes!!

And another thing...How is it possible that one man can look so damn good in a skirt?

My other man: Mr. Ewan McGregor in NYC

Caption This Contest!!!

2008-03-03T11:02:00.002-05:00

Leave me comments or caption this picture and win!!!!!

2 Passes to Rock-n-Tots

&

2 Passes to Cook Chefin'

***Both of these prizes take place in the Cleveland area***Good Luck!

Anniversaries Suck

2008-02-28T10:19:00.005-05:00

I must say that our past two anniversaries have been far from exciting. The last anniversary, the chef went to jail and this one felt like jail. I was under the impression that anniversaries were supposed to be full of fun, sex, and booze. Kinda like Spring Break. Apparently I was misinformed.

Last night was a bust. We went out to dinner, had an ok meal that was way overpriced, and the chef was in a sour mood. So sour that we probably should have gone home after dinner but he wanted to go hang at one of his chef friend's restaurant. That was super duper fun. I really enjoy talking shop on my only night out with the chef in what seems like forever.

So now I am in a sour mood and I have to bartend tonight with the chef for Rock & Roll Wine Project. Yippee!!

***update***after I got some coffee in my tired ass my sour mood has gone away. The boy has also contributed by being so insane that I can't help but laugh.

Happy Two Years Chefster!

2008-02-27T12:53:00.004-05:00

The moment after the Chef asked me to be his blushing bride in Key West...

Our 1st Wedding @ The Senior Center (yes... there was a Canasta tourney going on)

Classin' in up in Jebus' house

Doing what I do best in St. Barth's on our honeymoon

#1

Taking a Break from that Ohh So Important Harry Potter book

No Kindergarten for Catcher

2008-02-27T11:05:00.005-05:00

Looks like my boy is gonna miss out on some kindergarten action.

Poor kid.

Stupid ass Cleveland.

Way to focus on a non issue baby boomer's!

Buy This Book

2008-02-26T11:42:00.002-05:00

My MOSTEST favorite mommy blogger wrote a book. It's called Rockabye: From Wild to Child. Buy it. Here. Now.

Conversations w/ Catcher

2008-02-26T10:46:00.003-05:00

This one is NOT for the faint at heart. It's about poop. So if you don't like that shitty stuff then skip this one.

Catcher: "I have to pee! I have to pee!" (runs to toilet)

Chef's Widow: "Ok buddy." (walking past)

Catcher: "I pooping mommy!"

Chef's Widow: "Ok Catcher, great." (stopping to look in the bathroom to make sure he is still on the toilet)

Catcher: "C'mon poop!." (looking down into the toilet) "Let's go poop, C'mon" (still looking into the pot)

Catcher: "Mommy I just did a BIG poop ball." "It's really big!" (so so so excited, motions for me to come check it out)

Catcher: "Mommy, here comes another one." "C'mon poop ball, let's go!" (exclaims very strongly)

Mommy: "Great job Catcher. Great job." (so happy he is poddy trained, not so happy for the play by play on the shape and size of his shit).

Who Knew Ben Affleck was Funny?

2008-02-25T09:40:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago I posted a great little video starring Matt Damon & Sarah Silverman. This video is Jimmy Kimmel's retaliation. It's got a whole bunch of famous peeps, man cut-offs, and McLoving.

Out All Night

2008-02-24T16:55:00.004-05:00

I can't even begin to explain what is going on right now but let's just say that someone got home at 8 am this morning. And it wasn't Catcher. Or Vito. Or Potato...

Lunar Eclipse's are Cool but...

2008-02-21T10:38:00.002-05:00

man are they boring!

I sat outside to watch the eclipse and about froze my ass off. I think I may have caught pneumonia. Thank you lunar eclipse.

Conversations w/ Catcher

2008-02-20T19:18:00.004-05:00

Widow: "What do you want for dinner honey?"

Catcher: "Chicken & Trees (aka broccoli), Mom."

Widow: Ok, I'll cook it for you."

Catcher: "NOOOOOOOOOO! No like your chicken. Only daddy's!!! {temper tantrum begins}

Widow: "Well babe, daddy is at work so mommy has to cook dinner tonight."

Catcher: "No mom, YOU go to work. No like your cook chefin'. No like your chicken!

I proceed to cook the chicken & somehow overcook canned corn. I plate it and we sit down to eat.

Widow: "How's the chicken babes?"

Catcher: "Really good, I lub Daddy's chicken." {at this point tries to hug the chicken wing.}

Widow: "Me too babes. Me too."

No Kids on a Monday

2008-02-19T12:07:00.003-05:00

I have absolutely nothing to post about due to the fact that the fabulous chef of mine took the kids all day yesterday and let me have a day to myself. I shopped, I got a massage, I did my nails (which I haven't done in two years), I drank Flemish Sour Ale, I threw my crappy no carb diet out the window, and I rocked out to Kanye. Life is good. And now my brain is mush. I feel like this guy.

"Nature's prime favourites were the Pelicans;
High-fed, long-lived, and sociable and free."

A Thunder Hating Robot Lives in My House

2008-02-17T21:26:00.005-05:00

Ummm....can you say hilarious?

The Chef & I

2008-02-14T20:54:00.006-05:00

The chef and I met in high school. I had transfered from an all girls Catholic school to the public school. It was a drastic change and at the time I couldn't have been happier. The public school was all sorts of fun whereas the all girls school was all sorts of rules & college prep. yuck.

I hooked up with some popular girls and was immediately granted access to the scene. The scene consisted of driving around the neighborhoods in search of a house party, shot gunning natty light and smoking weed out of super cool color changing hand blown glass pipes that we bought at The Wax Factory. Can you say awesome?

I remember the day the chef asked me to be his girlfriend. We went out, mostly likely to see The Daytrippers (one of our faves), and then we parked in the cul-de-sac next to my house. We may have been drinking beer out of a can. I can barely remember.
He confessed his love to me in his crappy blue 1989 Toyota Corolla. After that we were a couple. For a little while. I think two years.

During that two years we did the high school break up one week get back together the next week. We also managed to find time to smoke a lot of pot, hang out on his parents roof, and have school night sleepovers. Sorry Mrs. S. We also fell in love. Teenage love.

He was my first real boyfriend, if you don't count the 2 month relationship I had with his distant cousin (never knew it then). I thought he was the coolest dude around. He wore red cords for chrissakes. Any dude that can get away with wearing red cords in high school is either super gay or super sweet. The chef was the latter. Obviously. Although he scammed me on prom which I have yet to forgive him for but that's another post all together. **

It was great fun and I always looked fondly upon the relationship. Even after I mangled his heart a week after I graduated high school.

We always kept in touch during and after college, in fact I am pretty sure we saw each other every Christmas. And when I say saw each other what I really mean is...well use your imaginations.

When I graduated from Crackron, the Chef was living on the lower east side of Manhattan and working at Charlie Palmer's Kitchen 22. He needed a roommate and I needed to get the fuck out of Ohio. My grandma had just passed away and I was really bummed. Everything and everywhere reminded me of the times we had and the time we didn't. So I packed up my sweet ass Chevy Cavalier with clothes & Vito and I drove to a city that I had never once stepped foot in.

The Chef & I in the LES (could we be any whiter?)

I remember when I first saw the chef's apartment (that cost $1650/month), I nearly packed my car back up and drove back to Ohiya. It was filled with roaches and grossness. It smelled like my butt. Seriously. And then when I found out the chef was dating this amazon woman named Tequila, I really did pack my car. The Chef later unpacked it again for me.

The first couple months were an adjustment. I didn't have a job, there was a nekkid amazon chick walking around my apartment, and I may have been hitting the sauce a little too much. I eventually got a job as a waitress (a terrible waitress) which then opened the door to a night club event planning job. It was hardcore. My hours were shit as were the chef's but somehow we managed to start 'seeing' each other...even though we already lived together.

It gets a little fuzzy because I was also 'seeing' a Frenchman and apparently the chef was unaware of our open relationship. He gave me an ultimatum. Well not so much an ultimatum as the boot. He kicked me out. Twice. And then we lived happily ever after. Wooo Whoo!

Just kidding. We eventually went through some more shit, my job usually being the main issue. It's no fun to date someone who gets paid to stay out all night at a club. You know?

But then something clicked inside me. I finally began to understand why we had stayed in touch all those years. I understood that we were supposed to be in each other's life. We were meant to be in love. He was always the one.

And then came the kicker.

After about a year of all this we found out were knocked up. And his reaction couldn't have been better. While I was scared shitless, he was ecstatic. He stood by my side and told me that we were going to be alright. Whatever we did he would be there for his family. And right then I knew I would marry him.
Eventually.
And I did. Eventually.
And I would do it again ever year if I could.

The Chef & I at Cibar (prechildren)

As we come up on our two year anniversary of marriage, our 10 year anniversary of dating (w/ a 6 year break) I can't help but find myself smiling as I remember living in that god forsaken roach infested apartment on the LES and waking up every morning next to my future husband.

I'm Sleeping with a Rising Star

2008-02-13T20:54:00.003-05:00

The long list of James Beard Awards 2008 nominees have just been announced, via distribution to Beard judges. Voting has begun. Only Gramercy Tavern and Jean Georges made the cut for Outstanding Restaurant, one of the most prestigious awards given out at the show. And three New Yorkers—Wesley Genovart of Degustation, Gavin Kaysen of Café Boulud, and Ryan Skeen of Resto— have a chance at Rising Star Chef, won last year by one David Chang.

Guess who made it in for Rising Star Chef this year?

I'll give you a hint. He spoons with Potato pitbull.

Full Story Here

List of noms (including the fantastic Jonathon Sawyer & the amazing Michael Symon) HERE.

Watch out America. Cleveland is taking charge.

Spooning with a Pitbull

2008-02-13T09:06:00.006-05:00

Sometimes I want to kill the chef. Or at least maim him. This morning is one of those mornings.

You see when we had Catcher, the chef was the most amazing man (still is, different way). He took care of Catcher all night so I could sleep. He changed diapers on the regular and he helped clean the house with actual cleaning products.

Baby #2 rolls around and dude has disappeared at night. I got baby girl waking up with a cough looking for boob. I got the boy waking up to play cars & drink milk. All at 3 am. And guess who is spooning with Potato pit bull? All the while I am up to my wits in shit, milk, and matchbox cars.

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

What happened to that angel of a man? Why did he only show up for the first baby?
I'll tell you why. The novelty of a new baby has worn off. With Catcher it was a whole new world. Everything he did was amazing including shitting & spitting up.

Now it's just hard messy work, especially @ 3am.

I am definitely not trying to say the chef doesn't pull his weight. He does. He still changes diapers. He does laundry (sort of-actually he just does like 8 loads and then throws it in our room for me to fold), he does the dishes like clockwork every morning. He makes coffee. Sometimes he even sticks around long enough to make us breakfast.

He is a very helpful man, especially with his fucked up schedule.

Girl could use a break though. Just one full night of sleep would be cool.

Hint~*~CHEF this post is a hint of what I want for Valentine's day.

Obviously No Relation

2008-02-12T13:42:00.001-05:00

Catcher (6 mos) & Lou (3 1/2 mos) look nothing alike. And we had hoped that she looked more like me...

Fu@k the Snowbelt

2008-02-12T13:03:00.000-05:00

I know that we live in Ohio but this shit is ridiculous.

My kids are finally better and it's too damn cold to go anywhere.

Even if we did decided to get bundled up and go somewhere, the people driving on the roads are so retarded that it would probably take us two days to get two miles.

New Orleans is calling my name.

{'move here widow... it's warm and we make really good gumbo and collards.
move here widow... you can eat beignets and drink really good french coffee every morning. move here widow... catcher can go to school with brad & angie's kids.
move here widow...practice voodoo and listen to jazz.'}

Someday NOLA, someday.

Let the Recovery Begin

2008-02-11T10:53:00.000-05:00

I may have been going a little overboard lately with the beverages and this past weekend proved to be no different. Friday night we took Catcher & his cousins (3 boys under 10) to the Lake Erie Monsters hockey game. We had gotten them tix as Xmas presents. Catcher was still a bit under the weather however his fever was gone and he really wanted to go.

When we arrived, I immediately consumed (2) $6.25 plastic bottles of Bud Light. Yumster! Catcher got his hair painted and some Monsters tattoo's. He also met a older lady friend (age 9 and sat with her for the entire second half. He even put his arm around her. Awwwww.

We got to see three staged fights and eat dollar hot dogs. Not much in life that is better than that.

I think everyone had a good time however the next morning sucked. Shitty beer and lack of sleep does not do a widow any good.

On Saturday the entire family headed to downtown Cleveland for Rock-n-Tots. Again Catcher was still hurting but he trudged through the three floors of fun like a champ. Lou even got into the spirit. She baby bjorned it all day and we barely heard a peep.

Gotta love a three month old baby.

As the chef watched both kiddies dance, get more tattoos and have tunnel races, I helped myself to 2.5 glasses of $8.00 merlot (pronounce the 'T'). Not a good idea friends. My tolerance is so low that 2.5 glasses of shitty merlot (pronounce the 'T') gets me loaded. I started pounding waters but by the time I left I was hurting. Thank god when we got home the kids were both wiped and fell asleep. Perfect time for me to catch up on Lost.

And Jebus' day proved to be no different than the two previous. The chef & I had a date to go see There Will Be Blood in the afternoon. We dropped the kids off at the in laws and made our way to the suburban sprawl of a mall. We bought a large popcorn (like either of us need it) and settled in. The movie was good. Long and Paul Thomas Andersonish, but good. Daniel Day Lewis was phenomenal. Obviously. He goes to places that no one has ever gone to before on film. It is astounding. His posture alone made the character of Daniel Plainview. It was so unreal.
His supporting actor, Paul Dano (from Little Miss Sunshine) was also unbelievable and I am really surprised that he didn't get an Oscar nod.

After the flick we hung at the in laws and I may have had a few glasses of Amarone. This may have inspired me to drink 3 glasses of Shiraz when we got home. I was watching the Grammy's. It was hella boring. So I got hella drunk. Well hella drunk for me. It was the first time since I had Lou that I was really concerned about nursing. So I did the whole pump and dump thing and then fed baby girl cereal until a few hours had passed. Doing this allowed me to wake up at 4am. Which I really wanted to do.
Now I am a tired mess, my walls are breathing, it's too cold to leave the house, and I have a three day hangover. Real nice. I think I have had enough of the drink for at least two weeks or at least till the Chef's Beer Dinner.
This weekend has made me realize that I am so thankful the Chef rarely has a free weekend. Cuz girl can't kick it like she used to. This widow is getting to be a golden oldie. Pretty soon I'll be going on superbowl cruises and eating dinner at 5 o'clock.

Baby Hates Bottle

2008-02-06T17:16:00.000-05:00

My girl loves the boob (as does the chef:). She eats alot. She's three months old and barely fits into 6 month clothes. She's big. She's thriving. Girl loves life. What girl doesn't love is the bottle. In fact she hates the bottle. She absolutely refuses to take it.

Which is making mamma crazy.

We (my mother in law & I) have been trying to get her to use the bottle. I drop Lou off for a couple hours and pray she takes it. But she doesn't. She just screams. And screams. And screams.

What's a girl to do?

Today I introduced her to my new best friend Earth's Best Organic Rice Cereal. She loved it. Girl ate like 4 ozs in two minutes.
Thank you JEBUS!
My non exsistent social life can resume~

Aiuto! Aiuto!

2008-02-05T11:08:00.000-05:00

As you may have noticed I have been messing with the layout of this blog. I like it right now however I would like my logo to be bigger and I can't figure that out and I would like to add a left sidebar. Can anybody help? I would be in your debt foreva!

Check out the new layout over at The Awesome Adventures of CatcherCrazyFace & Lala Louisana. It kicks ass.

Sicko

2008-02-04T10:19:00.000-05:00

The boy is sick again. I hate winter. And other kids. They are just such disease passers.

I really don't hate other kids (well some), it's just that whenever my boy hangs with anyone under legal drinking age he gets sick. Now he's got some kind of fever allergy thing. Looks like we'll be recluses again this week.

I think that I really need to take my annual sabbatical to my birthplace. St. Pete Beach in Florida. This is the first year that I haven't been to Florida in the winter in almost 10 years. Crazy. I think I am going have to pull a fast one and bum along on my dad's annual Florida trip or I may lose my mind and have to start taking drugs for some made up seasonal disorder. (I know seasonal disorders exist, shit I have one, I just don't think you need drugs to cure them, I think you need sun)

I really do need to go to Florida but I am guessing there is no way the chef can take off anytime considering how slammed the restaurant has been this past month. Maybe I'll buy a sun lamp.

Who knew Matt Damon was funny?

2008-02-01T13:18:00.000-05:00

Blah Blah Blah

2008-01-31T18:22:00.000-05:00

Whenever the chef works hella long days I lose my shit. I am instantly transformed into a single mom at home with two kids and it usually blows. For those single mama's out there- props to you-.

I can definitely admit that when the chef goes to work at 8am and doesn't get back till 1 am I get pissed. At him. At my dogs. At anyone.

It doesn't help that I have been sick all week. Must have caught what the boy had. Every five seconds I am running to the WC. I can't hold any food down, which might be a good thing considering I have barely lost any baby weight. Woe is me, right?

I should stop bitching and clean my gross house.

Conversations w/ Catcher

2008-01-30T11:30:00.000-05:00

Catcher: "Owie mommy."
CW(while holding Lou): "What hurts babes?"
Catcher: "My butts"
CW (still holding Lou): "Sorry buddy."
Catcher: "Kiss it sister."

Catcher the Photog

2008-01-29T21:20:00.000-05:00

My little man got a sweet ass toddler camera this past xmas and he took these great photo's. Looks like I may have a male version of Annie Leibowitz on my hands.

Down with the Sickness

2008-01-28T18:35:00.001-05:00

Our first visit to a preschool and Catcher blows chunks on the drive home. Poor guy. I was never a fan of school either.

Catcher & Cat

2008-01-25T10:00:00.001-05:00

Stevens that is. Or Yusuf Islam if you're listening to his new stuff. And by new I mean recorded after '79.

Catcher hounds the chef & I on a daily basis to hear Moon Shadow. Last night we were rocking out and he just went nuts when Wild World came on. So nuts that he almost crashed into out 5,000 lb old school not a flat screen TV.

A Whole Lotta Nothing

2008-01-24T20:44:00.000-05:00

The kids are asleep, the chef is at work, and I have just poured myself a glass of Lambic.
Ahhh, the finer things.

I must admit that I do love time by myself. I haven't had much these past few months and I certainly am not going to have any in the upcoming months. But I'll take what I've got.
It's kinda funny because I don't really do anything productive with my alone time. I usually post on this blog, read other people's hilarious blog posts about jerkin' off in Thai restaurant bathrooms, or check out videos of a sweet ass actor singing a Bob Dylan song. Or at least that's what I am doing tonight. Man sometimes I am soooo lame. But I guess it's better than going batshit crazy and trying to pick up someone else's kids at a grade school.

Little Louisiana

2008-01-24T16:07:00.001-05:00

Makes me very happy

Remembering St. Barth's

2008-01-23T09:12:00.001-05:00

The news of Heath Ledger's death and the fact that it is like 12 degree outside have managed to put me in a sour mood. It is tough living in Ohio in the winter and so far I have done my best to avoid the wintertime blues. But I think I may have lost the battle.

I absolutely hate being depressed. I love to live life and it really sucks when I get in a mood. Everyone is affected. This bout is especially tough as I have my own shit going on with my family that never seems to go away. I am trying to be proactive about it so that is why I spent hours upon hours yesterday uploading our Honeymoon pics from 2006 to our Flickr account. There were 300 of them.

So instead of being a depressed debbie I am gonna walk you through one of the best weeks of my life.

Arial view of St. Bartholemy

Hating the Two Seat Prop Plane

View from Villa Belle Aurore

Uma Thurman's Mansion

He really loves me.

The Chef @ Eden Rock

Chef's Widow @ Eden Rock

Cheese, bread, & wine. What more do you need?

Another One Bites The Dust, Heath Ledger Dead @ 28

2008-01-22T19:53:00.000-05:00

The chef & I always related to Heath Ledger & Michelle Williams. They lived in our neighborhood in Brooklyn and they had a child at the exact same time we did. One could say they were our favorite celebrity couple. Neither of us had ever met them but we would see them around the neighborhood with their girl Matilda. They seemed pretty normal. He would skateboard while Michelle would be walking with her baby girl.

Michelle Williams, Heath Ledger, & Daughter Matilda in Brooklyn

When I heard that their relationship had ended over the summer, I was sad. I had always hoped that they would make it as a couple not only for their daughter's sake but for their own as a couple out of Hollywood.

Today I heard the horrific news of Heath's death on my way from Cook Chefin'. I have to admit that it bummed me out. I started thinking about people in my past who have died from drugs and people in present who are still addicted to them. My mind started to wonder back to my own dark ages when I myself could have ended up face down and dead. I am lucky as I got past my addictions and was able to thrive as a woman, a young adult, and a mother. Others are not so lucky.

Last picture of Heath Ledger taken 3 days before his untimely death

The thing about drugs and being an addict is that sense of invincibility. Every time you shoot up, every time you put something up your nose, the fear of consequence flies out the window. Combine that with fame & fortune and the outcome is always bleak. I have seen the devastation an addict can project firsthand, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It is no fun having a relationship with an addict. They try their damnedest to take you down with them.

Having heard that Heath was addicted to heroin I can understand why Michelle Williams left him. The thought of your child coming into contact with anything related to heroin or the drug itself is enough to make a woman mad. I know.

It is just a sad end to a life. We have heard it before. It has happened to many. When a child is involved it is especially heart wrenching. I could never imagine what that kind of loss must feel like. I am blessed with a man that loves me (and is drug free) and two kids who amaze me & make me fall in love with them more and more each day. I am a lucky girl.

My thoughts go out to the family, the friends, and that baby girl. I hope that she will someday find peace with her father for leaving her so soon.

Heath Ledger & Baby Girl Matilda

No Winter Blues For Us!

2008-01-22T09:30:00.001-05:00

Although staying inside is tough, there is nothing better than going paint crazy with CatcherCrazyFace.

An Open Letter to Potato

2008-01-21T13:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Potato,

I love you and I am so glad that I took you home that day in Tompkins Square Park. You might be the coolest dog ever. However I have some issues...
What I really need from you is to stop scratching. I know that your itchy and are allergic to everything. But you are making me insane.

When I wake up I hear scratching.
When I go to sleep I hear scratching.
At 3am I hear scratching.
In my dreams I hear scratching.

It is enough to make a chick go crazy. And now you are starting to howl. Not cool dude. Not cool.

I understand that you have bad skin. Hell you are by far the most expensive free dog ever. I am doing all that I can. I bathe you daily. I crush pills for you. I even have a super expensive doggie dermatologist's appointment scheduled for you in May. But the itching and scratching and howling has got to stop.

No worries. I still love you. Especially your super warm belly.

CW

Weekend Night TV SUX

2008-01-19T22:56:00.000-05:00

All TV sux. But weekend night TV blows. That's why I have just polished off a bottle of this really yummy sustainable organic wine called Bell Mountain. The Red 2003. Fancy that.

I am so bored. I have been on the internet for the past 3 hours and I have gotten nothing accomplished. I've been dicking around on myspace looking up people I don't give a damn about like these bitches I saw the other night at Cento. Then somehow I got distracted by an ad for that family tree website and I started researching my family's genealogy. WTF. Anything to avoid cleaning my house.

Now I am searching for houses to buy. We can't afford to pay for the cable but lord knows we can buy a $400,000 home...Seriously though, I did find the perfect house for us. And it's by Bron Bron's house so maybe the chef & him can become buddies and shoot hoops.

I am freakin' hilarious when I drink. I love it.

Well my lovely readers I guess I am gonna succumb to the Saturday night Law & Order marathon. Check ya later.

Champagne & Chimpanzees

2008-01-18T13:45:00.000-05:00

Aren't we cute?

I am so so so so so so exhausted today. Last night I worked as a 'bartender' at Bar Cento for their Rock & Roll Wine Project. It was cool & fun but I definitely have a lot to learn about vino. You can only say the wine is 'earthy' so many times. Sooner or later someone's gonna call your bluff.

My big mistake today was thinking I could take the kiddies to The Rainforest. For some reason I thought the damp air and chimpanzee smell would cure my hangover. It didn't. Catcher threw a fit in the parking lot while Louisiana was screaming. It was about 20 degrees out and I was rockin' a tee shirt. Not so fun. That's what I get for getting drunk on a school night.

Conversations w/ Catcher

2008-01-16T19:56:00.000-05:00

Catcher: What is that is? (pointing to my shirt)
Chef's Widow: It's a snowboarder honey." (having absolutely no idea what is actually on my shirt)
Catcher: "No mommy it's a robot."
Chef's Widow: "Ok. Whatever you say."
Catcher: "I hab it."
Catcher: "Take it off."
Chef's Widow: "What????"
Catcher: "Take it off now mommy I wear it NOW."

The Result:

Cook Chefin' with Catcher & Lou

2008-01-16T09:05:00.000-05:00

I freakin' love my kids. Honestly they are so cool and awesome. I am not quite sure how it happened. You would think mixing the chef & my DNA would not turn out so well. He being a hyper maniac and me being a slightly insane creative genius. I kid. I kid.

Last night we packed up the car, which is a feat in itself, and headed downtown to the chef's restaurant. Every Tuesday they have Cook Chefin' night. The chef guides kids into making their own pizzas. They get to put on the sauce, the toppings, and the cheese and then the Chef puts it in the oven. It is great fun and the boy really loves it.

Eating pizza & watching Scooby Doo. The best things in life are at Bar Cento.

He should love it considering he named the night. Every time the chef goes to work, the boy says "Daddy's going cook chefin.'" Cute & effective.

Back to last night. It was getting busy and Catcher was getting ansy. Lou was checking out the lights and I was trying to eat my prociutto pizza without spilling every topping onto my Frampton Comes Alive vintage tee or onto my daughter's head. So Catcher is all done with his pizza and decides he is going to hang with another group of kids at a different table. He sits on a moms lap and joins the party. Granted we knew one of the guys in the group but still it was absolutely hilarious that he just fit right in. He is such a goober.

I think that it is so great that the chef makes such an effort at having kids in his restaurant. In Cleveland most people who enjoy good restaurants shun children. The restaurant do as well. That is the exact opposite of NYC. Many restaurants made an effort to include kids. Especially restaurants in Brooklyn like Bubby's & Applewood. They wanted to influence and inspire the kids to eat good food. Not the processed boxed and now possibly cloned shit that comes out TGI Friday's.

I hope that he inspires more restaurants in Cleveland to take an active role in educating kids about healthy, local, & organic foods. I know that he will continue to do so with every restaurant he is involved with.

Long Way Round III: Bike 4 Food

2008-01-15T14:39:00.000-05:00

The Chef or Ewan?

Last night as I lay in bed watching my favorite man (besides my hubs) Ewan McGregor, travel the world on a motorbike in his fantastic show, Long Way Round, I had an idea.

What if they did a Long Way Round food edition?
It could be two chefs,
(obviously my chef & this guy) & possibly Ewan McGregor(girl can dream can't she?).

They could plan a trip that not only focused on riding but would also make pit stops at various food establishments (could be well known & not so well known) throughout whatever countries their tour goes through.

You see on the first Long Way Round they rode their bike from London through Russia to The Bering Straight to Alaska and then down to NYC. They took 15 weeks and met some crazy ass people along the way. If you haven't seen check it out. Fox Reality always does Long Way Round marathons.

This adventure could consists of doing a bike trip through all The Americas or maybe Africa. I mean has there ever really been a food show in Africa?

Anyways, I think it is an awesome idea. Especially if Ewan got on board cuz although my husband and this guy are pretty good to look at, they are no match for Mr. McGregor.

To Be a Chef's Widow

2008-01-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

My job as a single mother has resumed. The chef's 10 day vacation has come to an end. It was a fantastic 10 days that were dearly needed on both ends.

I truly enjoy being a stay at home mom immensely but having the chef around full time is awesome. Not only is our relationship reaffirmed and great, but our house is now a super organized machine. The garage is no longer a den of garbage and Catcher's room actually has a floor. Amazing right?

I have to admit that I am a bit bummed that the chef has to go back to the kitchen. We had so much fun watching movies, drinking wine, and generally hanging out. Something we haven't done in such a long time. When you think about it we really don't ever spend that much time together. I would have to say on average we hang out about 10 hours a week. Which is fine. If there was anymore time we would probably kill each other. He drives me crazy. I drive him crazy. But that's the beauty of our marriage. We don't have to be together all the time to have a strong relationship.

I knew going in that the chef wouldn't ever have a normal schedule. I knew that there would be no Friday night date nights or family dinnertime. I have come to terms that no matter where the chef's career goes we will not have the normal 9-5 schedule. Which is fine. 9-5'ers suck anyways.

I married a chef. A busy chef with dreams of restaurants, books, farms, & food. In turn I became a chef's widow. I deal with the smells of food, the hours of a restaurant, and the fact that even after my chef becomes a household name he will still work a million hours. I accept the facts that my kids will always like the chef's cooking over mine. I know that in the long run being a Chef's Widow was the thing that I was meant to do. I like it and I sure as hell couldn't see myself hitched to anyone else. Plus it helps to know that behind every great chef there is a widow going through the same shit I go through everyday, every year. And everyone knows that it's not the food that makes the chef, but the widow behind him...

Technical Difficulties Again

2008-01-11T18:48:00.000-05:00

My computer sucks. My new computer sucks. Can't a girl get a break.

One Lucky Mamma

2008-01-10T17:44:00.001-05:00

Catcher & Lou ham it up for the camera

My fat ass...

2008-01-09T20:53:00.000-05:00

has got to go. It has been almost 3 months since I gave birth to Lou and I have yet to hit the gym. I just can't seem to ever find the time. Who would have thought that I don't have any time with 2 kids under age 3? Plus going to the gym in my town means I will no doubt run into someone from my high school. And that means they will get to see what a fatass I have become in ten short crazy years.

God, I am such a shallow biatch. An old shallow biatch at that.

But really folks, I have never weighed this much in my life. Even when I got back from Italy, [where I gained almost 20lbs by way of Guinness & Hash] I didn't even come close to the beast that I am now.

Chubbs & Chubette

I just need to get my ass in gear and work out some kind of schedule with the chef. I should really go in the morning and run before he goes to work but I just love love love sleep. I suck. I am the worst exerciser ever. I've gotta do something before my double chin turns into a triple and you won't be able to see my neck anymore...

How Different can 2 Babies Be?

2008-01-08T11:20:00.000-05:00

Catcher @ 2 Months (8lbs)

Lou @ 2 Months (15lbs)

Who's That Whore?

2008-01-07T20:46:00.000-05:00

Today as I was driving over to my sister in laws house I found myself listening to a radio show that I had never even heard of before. The Maxwell Show. What caught my ear was the question the host kept asking people. "Who's that whore?" At first I thought he was saying "who's that door" but as the show continued I figured out that it was a game.

The host of the show was taking callers to try and guess who this so called 'whore' was. They played a clip of a mystery woman speaking about being proud to be a woman and a mother. She was saying that she believes woman to be smart, strong, and independent.

Someone finally guessed it right after about 5 callers (including 1 female caller) and the mysery 'whore' ended up being Faith Hill. A wife, a mother, and a super successfully country singer. When this caller guessed correctly, a jingle was played with a booming voice that screamed "you nailed that whore.' As I continued to listen to this chauvinistic and ignorant radio show I steamed. I couldn't believe that they actually got away with having a game on the radio calling out successful independent strong woman as whores.

I wrote down everything I heard just so I could find out what kind of asshole thinks that calling a woman a whore is funny. I looked up The Maxwell show on WMMS 100.7 FM as soon as I got home. I found their website and was absolutely floored when I saw this:

They promote their sexist agenda on a daily basis. It wasn't just some kind of fluke, let's demean a woman day, but it is an actual daily segment on their show. Unbelievable. The most horrible thing is that this kind of behavior in public gives the go ahead to young boys to treat woman poorly. This kind of show instills lack of respect. It promotes ignorance. Basically it sucks. And people listen. Amazing.

I am not quite sure where I want to go with all this. I really think I may drop Faith Hill a line and let her know that two poser's in Cleveland are calling her a whore. Yep, that's exactly what I am going to do. Anyone know how to get a hold of Miss Hill?

Conversations w/ Catcher

2008-01-06T21:18:00.000-05:00

Catcher: "I hungry mommy."
Chef's Widow: "What do you want to eat baby?"
Catcher: "I go to grocery store."
Chef's Widow: "Ok, sounds good kid."
Catcher: "See you later mommy! (proceeds to walk to front door)"
Chef's Widow: "Ok see you later Catcher."
Catcher: (putting on his boots and coat) "I drive now in mommy's car, bye bye, I'll be right back."
"Hold still mommy, be back in a minute."
"I lub you."
(Tries the childproof door knob)
"Mommy not working, you fix it I go to grocery store."
Chef's Widow: "No baby I'll make you something no grocery store."
Catcher: (five minute fit protesting mommy's food)

Looks like even a two year old knows I can't cook worth a damn. Thank god I married a chef or the kid would never eat.

Movies That Rock

2008-01-06T14:42:00.000-05:00

The chef has taken a few days off from the restaurant and I must say it has been ultra fantastic. I have been able to run errands sans Catcher & Lou which is awesome. Instead of the grocery store taking a whooping three hours I can do it in 30 minutes. I have also gotten to use some of the gift cards I got from xmas. I went to H & M in hopes of finding some sweet new digs but all I could do was buy the coolest gear ever (a rubber skull rain coat & a super cute pink skull puffy coat) for the boy & girl. Having the chef at home also means that we watch tons of flicks. This week alone we have seen three great films. We started with:

Jenna is unhappily married, squirreling away money, and hoping to win a pie-baking contest so, with the prize money, she'll have enough cash to leave her husband Earl. She finds herself pregnant, which throws her plans awry. She bakes phenomenal pies at Joe's diner, listens to old Joe's wisdom, tolerates her sour boss Cal, is friends with Dawn and Becky (her fellow waitresses), and finds a mutual attraction with the new doctor in town. As the pregnancy advances, life with Earl seems less tolerable, a way out less clear, and the affair with the doctor complicated by his marriage. What options does a waitress have?

A very cute movie directed by Adrianne Shelley (who was brutally murdered 2 weeks before her film was released). A great story with a focus on food. Always a plus in our household. And she named her baby the best name ever.

The next movie we watched was Eastern PromisesThe mysterious and charismatic Russian-born Nikolai Luzhin is a driver for one of London's most notorious organized crime families of Eastern European origin. The family itself is part of the Vory V Zakone criminal brotherhood. Headed by Semyon, whose courtly charm as the welcoming proprietor of the plush Trans-Siberian restaurant impeccably masks a cold and brutal core, the family's fortunes are tested by Semyon's volatile son and enforcer, Kirill, who is more tightly bound to Nikolai than to his own father. But Nikolai's carefully maintained existence is jarred once he crosses paths at Christmastime with Anna Khitrova, a midwife at a North London hospital. Anna is deeply affected by the desperate situation of a young teenager who dies while giving birth to a baby. Anna resolves to try to trace the baby's lineage and relatives. The girl's personal diary also survives her; it is written in Russian, and Anna seeks answers in it. Anna's mother Helen does not discourage her, but Anna's irascible Russian-born uncle Stepan urges caution. He is right to do so; by delving into the diary, Anna has accidentally unleashed the full fury of the Vory. With Semyon and Kirill closing ranks and Anna pressing her inquiries, Nikolai unexpectedly finds his loyalties divided. The family tightens its grip on him; who can, or should, he trust? Several lives - including his own - hang in the balance as a harrowing chain of murder, deceit, and retribution reverberates through the darkest corners of both the family and London itself.

A crazy film directed by David Cronenberg. One thing you should know about this flick whether you are male or female. Viggo Mortensen gets butt ass nekkid and has a fight scene. He does high kicks with no undies on. Let's just say that at this point in the film, the chef had to leave the room. I, however, did not.

And last but not least:

The film adaptation of Sweeney Todd: The Domn Barber of Fleet Street, the Broadway show that the Chef took me to for valentines Day 2007.

Sweeney Todd a.k.a Benjamin Barker returns to London after being sent away by Judge Turpin with the help of a sailor, Anthony Hope. He opens a barber shop above Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pie Shop were she sells "the worst pies in London." With the help of Mrs. Lovett, Todd tries to rid of all the people who have ever done him wrong and hopes to be reunited with his daughter, Joanna, who is now Judge Turpin's ward.

I have to say that we both enjoyed the Tim Burton film. Johnny Depp kicks ass as always and Helena Bonham Carter does a great job. Although I must say that Patti LuPone was so much more amazing as Mrs. Lovett. The one thing that was disappointing was the mysterious disappearance of the main theme song. "Sweeney Sweeney Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street." Although after the show last year the chef & I sang it over & over again for about two weeks. Which eventually made us insane so we started murdering people and putting them in pies.

It's been a good week.

Britney Spears, The Hostage Taker

2008-01-04T09:54:00.000-05:00

I went to sleep last night and all was right with the world. This morning I awoke to the super sad news that crazy ass Britney Spears held her kids hostage for 4 hours and had to be forcibly removed from her house as she was a danger to herself and others. One of her little boys also had to be taken to the hospital as the other boy followed the ambulance in a car.

You can watch the video of Britney being wheeled into the hospital HERE.

In this celebrity driven culture of ours it is no surprise that Britney's life has become such a tragic mess. Every opportunity to help her has been available to the judges, her parents, and the people that manager her. Unfortunately money outweighs feeling and love. Because Britney is relatively well off ($737,000/month), and the people in her life are most likely living off her, she has been able to skate past any sort of trouble that she has gotten herself into. I am still surprised that someone actually took those kids away from her. Bravo for that by the way.
Her life has been come public spectacle for the general public, it is a real life soap opera that unfolds on a daily basis. It garners our attention, it decrease productiviy at people's workplaces, it funds the careers of bloggers. But most of all it proves that money does not equal happiness. In this case money equals depression, no sense of family, easy access to people of a shady nature, and a trip to the hospital looking like a psychotic:

It is so sad. It is so hard to watch. It is difficult not feel something for Britney. As a mother I try to envision what she must be going through. But I can't. My protective instinct kicks in and I can't help but question her motives, her ethics, and her all around shitty parenting skills. I start to think "what kind of mother lets it go this far?" But then I remember my own mother. It wasn't her destiny to be a mom. She didn't want us and eventually she left. My father raised us without a second glance. Who knows in Britney's case?

Maybe she has postpartum depression that has spiraled out of control with her obvious drug use.
Maybe she smokes the crack rock.
Maybe she has gonorrhea and it has gotten so out of control that it has eaten half her brain and given her schizophrenia. (Thanks Law & Order).
Maybe she just doesn't want to be a mom.

We may never know.

Whatever the outcome of this hostage thing the bottom line is that chick needs some serious help. And she needs it now. Or she is going to end up dead and leave those kids without a mama. Or worse. Let's just pray these kids can grow up to get past the images of their mommy going insane.

And He Pooped.

2008-01-02T22:24:00.001-05:00

Finally. The boy pooped in the toilet. And not a moment too soon.

You can only clean non baby poop out of diapers so many times before wanting to kill yourself.

Iron Chef TONIGHT

2008-01-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

We just found out that my hubby's Iron Chef appearance is tonight. He helps out Chef Mike Symon in battle vs. Guy Rubino.

Check it out.

Happy New Years!

2008-01-01T02:54:00.000-05:00

Chef's Widow+ Champagne+Chef=Amazing

The Cutest Celebrity Baby of 2007

2007-12-30T15:03:00.000-05:00

Watch out Suri Cruise & Shiloh Jolie-Pitt there is a new baby in town. Her name is Louisiana and she makes you two look like old man alien babies!

My 2 Year Old Drops 'F' Bombs

2007-12-28T15:14:00.000-05:00

I swore to myself that I was going to take a break from CW but both kids are nighty night and I can't bring myself to do anymore cleaning.

Yesterday the boy was at his grammy & papa's house while I stayed home to clean the remnants of the super rockin' Yacht Rock Festivus Soiree that was held at our casa on Sunday. I did 7 loads of laundry and two loads of dishes (the chef was proud as I usually refuse doing dishes). As I was finishing my little man came home and I asked him what he did at grammy and papa's. He replied "fucking dude." That's right. Not only did Catcher drop the f bomb but he used it as an adjective.
I immediately went into super mom mode demanding where her heard that. He could barely respond because he kept chanting "fucking dude, fucking dude, fucking dude." I finally got a word in and asked him again where he learned that saying and his response was 'daddy's a fucking dude.' I asked him 'Did daddy teach you that?' He replied 'Daddy's awesome!!!' You could hear the exclamation points when the words came out. It was totally insane and hilarious and genius. I still am not sure if he learned it from me calliong the chef a 'fucking dude' or the chef just spewing the swears. After a few minutes he had forgotten all about the 'fucking dude' and went into his new cook chefin' kitchen so he could make Potato & Vito some dinner.

So my kid swears and it's no surprise. The Chef's got a mouth like a sailor and I don't trail too far behind. I have tried to curb my habit of loose lips but it's really hard when you have to drive where stupid people live. Driving has a way of introducing words that no child or person should ever hear. Driving just sucks. Lord knows if my ass was till in Brooklyn I wouldn't be calling people motha fuckin' bitch sucking assholes as they cut me off on the subway. That being said I have come up with a New Years resolution. I will no longer be saying the following words:
Fuck
Asshole (that never sounds pretty coming out of a two year old's mouth)
Bitch (I rarely use this one but I sure as hell don't want Catcher to be chanting this when he sleeps over my parents house)
I will continue to use the following words:
Hell (cuz it's not a bad word it's a place)
Ass (an animal)
Shit (just because we all do it)

I will however continue to swear on CW. Gotta get it out somewhere.

My 'fucking dude'

Happy New Year!

2007-12-27T10:44:00.000-05:00

This is it. My last post of 2007.

Just wanted to express my absolute gratitude to you, my beautiful & crazy readers. I started this blog as a therapy for me and as a way to bitch about my husband with no one knowing about (not so much anymore, eh?).

This year my readers have gone from 3 to almost 300 a day. I have no idea why but it really makes me the happiest Chef's Widow ever. Have yourself a safe and bubbly filled New Years Eve. And if you are in the Cleveland area I suggest checking out the Chef's Bacchanalian New Years Eve Celebration!

If you missed the Festivus soiree, you missed the best Festivus of all time. Seriously you did. Bernie Lomax was there.

Festivus for the Rest of Us!

2007-12-23T16:55:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year...

Tonight is our third annual Festivus celebration. In honor of the feats of strength, airing of grievances, and the Festivus pole I leave you with the genius of Mr. Frank Costanza:

Tired Chef

2007-12-21T20:05:00.000-05:00

Asshole Dog

Being the kind souls that we are, the chef & I watched my bro's new puppy overnight. It did not go well. Potato wanted to eat him for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. Vito just seethed. I swear you could see steam coming out of his ears everytime Socks [yes that is his name] came around. To really make matters worse, Socks the puppy was not housebroken nor did he like to sleep anywhere but Catcher's bed. Which Catcher was not having. Needless to say we are not getting another dog anytime soon.

13 Signs You Are a Tree Hugging Mom or Dad

2007-12-20T12:12:00.000-05:00

1. You drive this:2. You recycle everything.
3. You compost all your food.
4. You wrap presents in newspaper and make bows out of plastic bags.5. You buy organic & local food.
6. You still listen to records and truly believe that the sound quality is way better than cd's.
7. Your husband looks like the Unabomber:

8. You Tivo the following shows:
It's Not Easy Being Green
It's Easy Being Green
Invention Nation
9. You watch the John Lennon documentary that is always on VH1 over and over and it gets you every time.
10. You extensively research eco resorts in hopes that someday you will be able to afford a vaca HERE:
11. You think about bringing hemp necklaces back (all Chef).
12. You spend WAY TOO MUCH $$ on a fabulous 'Green' Prada bag for your environmentally conscious wife.
Yes we know Prada bags don't really say 'Hippie,' but damn do they look fantastic on a Chef's Widows arm.
13. Your daughter wears cloth diapers:

That's right cloth diapers. No disposables for baby girl [except at her grandparents].

*****Sidenote about our Cloth Journey*****

When we decided to embark on this unheard of [in the midwest] practice we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. Well it is the end of the first month of using the Diaper-eze diaper service. The one and only service in Northeast Ohio. And I must say that I am really happy with the entire situation. It is honestly the greatest thing. The deliver me the diapers weekly and all I have to do is put the dirty diapers in a diaper pail and make sure to put it out every Tuesday. They clean 'em, count 'em and keep a tally of what baby girl is actually using. Works great for us and baby girl seems to be cool with the cloth. I also like the fact that I don't have to touch poo. Which is usually an inevitable thing. But with this service all I have to do is take the diaper off and throw it in the pail. Easy. No mess. No fuss. And no shit. Today is the start of my new month and we have decided that we are going to continue down the cloth road. I just wish I would have done it with Catcher. Right now I am spending the same amount of money on both kids for diapers which is absolutely unbelievable. Unheard of. Newborns usually require at least double the diapers of a baby/toddler. So if you are thinking of traveling down the cloth diaper road I definitely suggest trying it for at least one month and definitely using a service.

There are many many more signs that you are a Hippie parent including the following:

You buy BPA free bottles.

You have organic sheets on your baby's crib that she doesn't even sleep in.

You are thinking about opening a Green restaurant.

You subscribe to Mothering Magazine, Natural Home, & Mother Earth News.

You secretly rent Phish concert dvd's from the library (all Chef again).

Best Wedding Dance Ever.

2007-12-19T23:45:00.001-05:00

Thanks Kimmy!

WTF!!!!! 16 Year Old Jamie Lynn Spears Prego?

2007-12-18T21:53:00.000-05:00

This is just shocking and sad and it really makes me believe that no matter how much money you have, if your were born in the backwoods you will most likely still grow up hillbilly.

You'll just be a better dressed hillbilly than your poor redneck cousin who is also your grandma. Well that is except Britney, cause lord knows bitch couldn't dress to save her life.

I mean really this is just getting ridiculous. Next thing you know we will find out that K-fed is really Britney's uncle.

It's like the Spears family is straight out of that crazy ass soap opera Passions. You know the one with the midget who died. And the warlocks and shit. And the dude who said he's not gay even though he did it with dudes. I've never seen it but I've heard fantastic things (from Joe McHale of course). The point being is that I always thought it was just Britney who was a cracked out crystal meth smoking hot mess of a mama. Now Jamie Lynn gets to try her hand out the whole mom thing. This is gonna be good.

For fucks sake.

I just can't wrap my brain around this one.

You know what's really devastating? The sad truth that 16 year old Jamie Lynn will most likely be a way better mama than Britney.

The Face of Innocence

2007-12-18T15:54:00.000-05:00

How could I ever get mad at this face?

This is Why Tori Amos Kicks Ass

2007-12-17T11:49:00.000-05:00

A word of advice: don't disturb Tori Amos while she's working.

Two fans learned that lesson the hard way and ended up with a verbal smack down from the crotchety singer before they were unceremoniously booted from her Wednesday night concert in San Diego. Code Red!

The piano playin' mama was in mid song when she suddenly began lashing out at the girls: "It's a privilege to sit in the front row. I reserve those seats for people who appreciate music. Get the f--- out!"

So much for being silent all these years.

Name That Baby

2007-12-15T20:19:00.001-05:00

Ever Wonder What You'd Like Like As An Elf?

2007-12-14T20:36:00.000-05:00

Me Neither. But now I know.

The Sweet Sounds of Hunger

2007-12-14T14:40:00.000-05:00

Baby Girl is getting hungry...

So hungry that she expresses her pain through an adorably sweet series of squeaks.

Ahh the boob. The answer to all of life's problems.

And yes she really does make this much noise when she eats.