My little man, the love of my life is going to be a big brother tomorrow...

I think that I may be to ferklemped to write about how I feel about the impending (less than 7 hours) birth of baby girl. That's right my loyal reader, chef's widow is gettin' induced tomorrow morn at 7am. Wish us well, no scratch that, wish me a safe & pain free labor...

Cheers,

CW

What a difference a year makes...

CatcherCrazyFace October 2006

CatcherCrazyFace October 2007

***as you may have noticed Catcher still believes strongly in the power of nudity even in October

Super Sweet Saturday

Catcher has begun to pick out his own accessories & outfits. I myself think he is doing a fine job.

Now this is just ridiculous...

Haricut Good, No Baby Yet Bad

All is well and my hair kicks ass. Nothing like a fantastic hair cut to cheer me up:) Now if baby girl would get the hell out of my uterus, things would be golden.

The Ups & Downs of Being a Chick

The thing about me right now at this exact moment is I am truly fucked up. Not only are my hormones out of control but pregancy depression has set in and I can't seem to get out of it. Normally I am not an unhappy person. I generally enjoy life and love my family but for some reason (maybe the constant contractions or the fact that I have to pee standing up now) I cannot escape the melancholy.

So I am going to get my haircut by an old friend who I haven't spoken to in a year. I am a bit nervous but I am hoping that we may somehow patch our relationship up. A year is too long not to talk to someone you care about especially if she is also your hair guru. Plus we both have kids now and they have never met. Way too sad. Wish me luck.Seriously though, how hot do we look in this picture? If there was a Hot Chef's of Cleveland & their Hot Wives calender, we'd be January...

The Waiting Game Poll

Answer correctly and the Chef & I will name the baby girl after you! Just email me your guess and your moniker will forever grace our child. Even if your name is Herbert...

Looks like baby girl is never coming out and I am going to be pregnant forever. I have a lot of free time on my hands it seems because the Chef has been helping out a lot with the boy, the house, and me. Plus my belly is so large that none of my maternity shirts fit over it and I refuse to buy any more fatty clothes.

I am pretty sick of all of it but it is really nice actually seeing the chef during the day and being able to talk to him. I feel like I haven't seen him this much since high school.

I am just trying to concentrate on anything but my bulging belly and hope that my lack of focus will inspire baby girl to be born. My dad had double knee replacement surgery last Thursday so the boy and I have been hanging out at the hospital with him. Catcher is really concerned about bumpa's two 'boo boo's' (if you can't handle the gore I suggest not scrolling down). He has needed the surgery for about five years and I still can't believe he actually went through with it. The day before the surgery he had decided that his knee's had miraculously recovered and he no longer needed to get his legs chopped off.

Needless to say, neither I or my stepmother were having it. The result...

A big ass scar on both knees. Yikes!

Just finished up at the doc's and there has been no change. So back to the waiting game of pain. Not so fun and really becoming emotionally draining. The contractions are still consistent and getting a bit more painful however I haven't dilated at all, actually it seems I have decreased in dilation according to my doc. The chef is being awesome though, trying to accommodate the restaurant & the boy and I so we are not left alone that often. Which is especially hard for a Chef who just opened a restaurant to do.
He really is such a great man. Especially to put up with my shit. I do love him so, especially when he has red beard...even though some (ms) hate it:)

The doc told us to go do it more. Maybe that would help. So far we've done it more in three days than I think we did on our entire honeymoon. No joke. It's really really special.

Ahhh the joys of pregnancy. I highly recommend it.

Catcher is still an only child and I am bumming.

I have been having steady contractions since Friday (3 minutes apart, 1 minute long). However because I am not dilated to 4cm they sent me home from the hospital. It's been a waiting game. The chef has missed oodles of work, on opening week no less, and I am super emotional and super sick of this. It is my understanding that this can go on anywhere from a day to a week to more. Not awesome. Seriously. Some of these fuckers hurt so bad that I can't breathe. Tomorrow I go see my ob and hopefully the end will be in sight because I just don't know how much longer I can handle this.

The chef put his menu for Bar Cento on his blog, you can check it out here.

Oh & we totally don't have a name for baby girl:(

Chef's Widow might be in labor...

been having contractions all day and are just waiting for them to hurt like fuck (according to the Doc on call).

More to come...

Is this guy for real?

No words my friends...enjoy the crazy!

No baby yet but I have feeling she's coming soon especially since I think I have finally settled on a name. I just have to convince the chef and we will be a go for baby girl!


If you are a Cleve...be sure to check out the Chef's new digs at Bar Cento. They opened their doors tonight. Check out the Chef's blog for reso & contact info. Cheers! I am off to nest. Which isn't really nesting, it's more like deep cleaning my piggy house so my boy and baby girl don't get some strange pigsty disease.

I had my last high risk ultrasound today and everything is in the clear. Baby girl's kidneys look nothing like Catcher's. She is also quite large which we've all guessed based on the ridiculous size of my belly. At this point she is 7 lbs & 7 ozs., a full lb. bigger than the boy was when he was born so I am a bit frightened. I really don't think my business can handle that much larger of a child. I know that people pop out fatties all the time but I am not one of them. I don't like pain nor do I like the vanity aspect of it all. I'm not trying to get any rejuvenation surgery...if you catch my drift, you know?


But I am totally stoked that her kidneys aren't fucked. Watching an infant go through all the poking & prodding that goes on following the birth of my boy is something that I knew I couldn't handle again. It was just too much. Can you imagine watching your two day old baby get ultrasound after ultrasound and the a VCUG (ink and microscope up his hooha)? Yeah me neither, I can barely think about it without wanting to sob for hours...

Anyways, the past is the past. The boy got through it, the chef got through, & I got through it. All that matters is that my boy and soon to be girl are healthy.

I am going to try and keep posting over the next couple of weeks however with Bar Cento opening tomorrow and the possibility of labor, I don't know how much time I will have to ponder my thoughts in front of the computer. Plus my house is so gross and at some point I am going to have to suck it up and clean this bitch.

Later sk8tr.

My pregnant ass + CatcherCrazyFace+ Leemur= Tru Love 4 eva

2 cm Dialated People!!!!

Obviously right? I look like I am about to deliver in the above picture...
The Chef & his Widow, happy, large, & in charge

Good luck today Chef on you first soft opening of Bar Cento!

We love you & are so proud of everything you do...you amaze us everyday.

Cheers!

Love,
Chef's Widow, CatcherCrazyFace, Potato Itchy Pants Pitbull, Vito Pigface, & Baby Girl

Saturday Scumbag

Hey Buddy, Are You Stoned?

Two-year old boy videotaped smoking a blunt by mother, friends

OCTOBER 11--The mother of a two-year-old Wisconsin boy shared a marijuana blunt with her child as friends laughed, filmed the child smoking, and asked, "Hey buddy, are you stoned?" Krystle Leigh Weber, 20, was charged yesterday along with two male friends with pot possession and contributing to the delinquency of a minor (Weber was also hit with a child neglect rap, also a misdemeanor). According to a Circuit Court complaint, after a confidential source told police about the smoking incident, cops seized a cell phone from defendant Sean Held, 19, and discovered three videos of the August incident. On the clips, the boy is seen holding and apparently puffing on a blunt, and "staggering around a bedroom in what appears to be a confused and altered state." In a police interview, Weber, who is pictured above in a Menomonee Falls Police Department mug shot, said that she initially rejected Held's suggestion to have her son "hit it," but eventually relented and agreed to let the two-year-old take a "small one." The complaint notes that Weber told police that she "knew what she did was wrong, and she would do anything to keep her son."

You have to be some kind of cracked out skank to be giving your two year blunt hits...

Here is why driving blows in Ohio:

• Absolutely no lights anywhere in the burbs are synchronized. You stop at one light and the next light turns green. It takes 45 minutes to get two feet down the road. It's either terrible city planning or brilliant consumerism. They want you to wait forever at a light, then get stuck at the next one, and then decide to stop at Starbucks and get a grande soy mochafrapcino because your so tired from waiting at every goddamn stoplight in a 1/2 mile block.

This is why I hate the burbs. Well, this is one of the million reasons I hate the burbs.

I love PC Repair on Wheels! My computer is back baby! No more posting on Chef's crappy Treo. Life is good again.

I used to be a smoker. I started in 9th grade with my best friend (at the time). We would steal packs of Virginia Slims from her drunk mom's weekly cartons. We would walk around her neighborhood in Berea and smoke the entire pack in an hour. We made ourselves smoke. Eventually this led to a full time addiction. I started with Marlboro Lights (they were the cool fags to smoke), then eventually my taste for smokes developed and my loyalty to Marlboro jumped ship. I became a Camel girl full time. I never tried to quit. Even when I was caught at 16 by my dad at the airport (when you could still smoke in public areas) after a lovely family vaca, quitting was not something I even considered. I continued my pack a day habit until I turned 21. By that time I had quit smoking weed and putting shit up my nose and had moved on to heavy drinking. My habit turned into 2 packs a day and I was smoking Camel Wides. Then I moved to Italy. That's when the shit got outta control. I happened to live in Italia before the euro and everything was balls cheap. Guinness was $1.50-$2.00/pint, yes I gained 15 lbs. in three months, & fags were $1.00/pack and stronger. Smoking Camel Lights in Europe was like smoking Marlboro Reds without a filter.

After Italy & school, I found myself in NYC working in a nightclub paying $8 for a pack of smokes. I continued to smoke...

When we found out I was expecting the boy I quit. It was hard and I definitely struggled but one day I was just so grossed out by them that I was done. Smoking never entered my thoughts again. Until...I was in labor for 48 hours. After giving birth, something I hope to do again very soon, my mind drifted towards smoking again. I was breastfeeding so I knew I couldn't do it nor did I really want to . But somehow when I stopped breastfeeding I forced myself to smoke again. This time I went for the clove. Why? Who the f knows. I somehow convinced myself that since they smelled pretty they weren't bad for me. I only smoked about 1 fag a day so I hadn't really become the chimney I was in yesteryear.

The cloves got old quick and I stopped again. BTW, the entire pregnancy and after the Chef was secretly smoking on rooftops and lying to me about it. I was not to pleased when I recently found out that. Long story a little bit shorter, I dabbled with the smoke on & off for about 4 months. Then we had the wedding and went to St. Barth's where we both smoked our brains out. We bought cartons of the strongest French cigarettes ever and smoked all of them. By the end of the glorious week I was done and so was he. Or so I thought.

When we found out we were expecting another bambino last March, neither of us were smoking so it wasn't hard to quit. We moved back to CLE and cigarettes have been a thing of the past. Until now.

I have had this sneaking suspicion that the chef has been smoking as of late. He has been at work 15 hours a day and I barely see him. But I know what his deal has been. And last night the truth was confirmed.
Who knows how long this has been going on? Lord knows, dude feels like he has to lie to me about it. I just wish he could understand that I don't give a shit about the smoking. I mean I don't want him to get cancer or anything but really that is his own prerogative. I just want him to be honest with me when I ask him over & over if he is smoking. And he isn't. And now I'm depressed about it. Fuck.
I know that the restaurant is opening and I know that I am a megabitch sometimes, & I know that my house is a mess & the Canadian Soldiers won't leave but for chrissakes I am nine months pregnant and I don't deserve to be bullshitted no matter how stressed or busy one may be. And I don't want to become a smoker again after baby girl is born. And if the chef is smoking, the widow will start up again. Not cool.

So any of you smokers who are providing the chef with the goods, know that I know and I am out for blood. Or at least some pregnant ass kicking.

PS
Dear Chef,

I love you but seriously if you come home smelling like smoke again tonight I am cancelling our secret date and going out with my girlfriends...to a boy strip club. Nothing says class like a 38 week prego chick watching dudes get nekkid.

For fuck's sake, does anyone want to donate a computer to Chef's Widow? I'll take anything that works and is virus free. My computer is looking like it ain't coming back...

So seriously if you are in the mood to be a generous soul or you want some free advertising on CW hit me with an email.

I would love you forever. and ever. and if I was ever not pregnant I would buy you a drink. and maybe make out with you. but only if you are my hubs.

In the past three days of computerless oblivion I have come to realize that I do not function properly without the machine. I depend on my computer more than I ever thought was possible. Which is amazing because I have always been a firm believer that technology will eventually destroy civilization...

As of now, I have no hard drive left. My guy is trying to save all my pics, documents, & $$$ files but who the hell knows? And god knows, we are not in the financial position to be purchasing a new blogging machine. Funny stuff, I know. I'm not sleeping anymore and the hallucinations have begun to kick in from that and from being a hormone fueled pregnant chick. Shit, this doesn't even make any sense...

blah blah blah blah

I'll be back when I am sane or when I can pretend to be.

My computer is sick. I have a virus and I am pretty sure it has wiped out my hard drive so posting will be light this week. Bummer. Hopefully I will have my computer back soon because I have realized that I am seriously addicted to the internet. All aspects of it so right now I am having massive withdrawl. Plus I have a ton of shit for sale on Ebay and have no way of checking on them. Not awesome. In other, non viral news, my 37 week prego ass is NOT even close to having baby girl according to my trusty OB...

Saturday Sillyness

I must say that I am most attracted to the chef when he is in the kitchen. Not our crappy kitchen at home, but an actual functioning restaurant kitchen. I would definitely say that this his presence in the kitchen is what made me fall in love with him, not to mention the fact that he is probably the coolest dude on earth. But really the way he works while he is in the kitchen can be compared to the way Tom Morello rocks on bass...

Long story short, the other evening my fantastic hubster had an event at his new restaurant, Bar Cento and low and behold he was actually in the kitchen for the majority of the eve. It was hot. That may be the 9 months prego hormones talking but whatever. I'll take it. I haven't seen the chef doing what he does best in the proper environment in months. Actually it's been almost 6 months since I have seen him in a real kitchen. Like I said, it was hot...needless to say if a chick could get prego while she was prego, we might have another baby on the way:)

And the food wasn't half bad either...

Canadian soliders are infiltrating my house and I am going mad...



For those of you not from the great state of Ohio, I am speaking of these asshole canadian soldiers:

These freakster bugs have taken over my yard and have now found a way into my home. They are large and they hover. They touch you and the take over. They are ruining my life. Frankly I would prefer if the damn mounties were taking over...

On a recent trip to the library I went all momzilla and took out all the potty training books & dvd's I could find. I had simply had enough of the poop. Last night as I soaked in my bath I started to peruse each book and I came to find that they all pretty much say the same thing. "Your child will let you know when he is ready, most toddlers aren't fully trained until the age of three, let the toddler decide how to train, blah, blah, blah..."

Then I picked up the book Diaper Free Baby. And my entire world changed.

The concept is that pretty much everywhere else in the world had potty trained kids by the age of two. Two is actually considered 'late' in most countries. In America, disposable diapers are the norm, in other places round the globe they are a luxury. Most people can't afford them so their option is to constantly clean up shit or teach their child how to use the can at the earliest possible age. They call this Concept "EC" aka "elimination communication." Basically what I have learned thus far is that my baby can communicate with me that he/she needs to go potty and also that by using diapers I am training them not to want to use the toilet. Granted I am only up to the 2nd chapter but shit...

Now as I my jaw was dropping and my eyes were opening, my toes and fingers were also shriveling from my hour long now very cold bath. I had to break from the book that is telling me that I can possibly have my newborn not ever wear diapers. How, I don't know. But gdamnit I am gonna find out and as soon as I do you better believe that I am gonna write about, true or bullshit...


P.S. My tata's are now leaking on a daily basis. Fantastic.