Vacation is over and real life has resumed. Although... there have been a few changes.

Soon I will be able to announce some of them. Let's just say that for now I am on the road to becoming a full time (except Saturdays) stay at home mamma again.

To celebrate, I tore out the recipe pages of my absolutely new favorite magazine (Real Simple) and I headed to the market (sounds so much cooler than the grocery store). The boy & I spent two and a half hours looking for the ingredients as well as tasting a few. Thanks Heinens, the free fruit saved my crazy Catcher's life and also kept me sane.
As most of you know I DO NOT cook. I married a Chef, I really don't have to. Nor am I very good at it. However the news that I am not yet able to announce inspired me to spend $140 of money that we don't have on fancy pants ingredients for oh so yummy sounding dishes.

As you can guess, the boy's afternoon nap turned into my cooking time. Sort of. As I began the dish I realized we were out of olive oil. Now one may ask how the f does a chef and his widow run out of olive oil? No f'ng clue. A mere three hours later...and...Voila! A masterpiece of Tuna & Black Olive Vinaigrette Pasta. And guess what, the boy adored it. He almost ate as much as my prego ass did.

My Version of Tuna & Black Olive Vinaigrette Pasta

Real Simple's Version of Tuna & Black Olive Vineagrette Pasta

We are back from Jersey! More to come soon...

Ok Ok...this is really the last time I am gonna post for a week. But I just couldn't help but post these amazing pics of my two year old love sleeping so soundly. He is so fabulous. How did I ever get to be so lucky?

I am off to Cape May for the week. I will leave you with some of this hotness:
My man Becks. I think we may be seeing alot of him...

Dear Uncle Mikey,

Thanks for the rocking jersey. You are still my favorite uncle even though you live way far away in Denver.

Love,

Catcher

PS Don't be such a crybaby.

PPS Stop sending my daddy gross emails.


Cheers!

Boys get Playboy, I get Beckham...David that is. Not Robot Spice. To see more of the Beck's hotness click HERE.

As a Chef's Widow I get asked many questions regarding the restaurant industry that I have absolutely no answer to. However there is always one question that pops up, "What is my ideal restaurant?" that I should be able to answer effectively. I usually hem and haw and bitch about service but I have never really come up with a concise somewhat intelligent sounding answer. So here you go...my thoughts on what a restaurant should be:

My ideal restaurant could be described as one that is both simple and intelligent. I believe that a restaurant should keep all things as least complicated as possible while presenting themselves as very knowledgeable of their craft. There are five qualities that I seek in my ideal restaurant.

1. Simple Decor: I cannot stand kitsch. It takes away from the restaurant. The whole concept of having pieces of flair on the wall was created to distract the diner from how the food actually tastes. I like to walk into a restaurant that makes me feel like I was invited. I want warmth and comfort.
2. Knowledgeable Staff: I believe that all employee’s of a restaurant must know what they are taking about. They must act as professors of the concept as well as the food. When I have a question about the food, I want a complete answer, not the runaround.
3. Taste: Obviously I want the food I am paying for to make my taste buds beg for more. I want to taste something that is unique and pleasurable. I do not want to feel like I am eating at Friday’s.
4. Menu: Menu’s can be overwhelming with two many choices and poor descriptions. I like my menu concise and to the point. I don’t want to have to choose from 30 appetizers and 30 entrees. Keeping my choices simple keep me coming back. I think a simple menu that changes seasonally is perfect to keep the diner interested. I have been to way too many Cleveland area restaurants that never change their menu’s. I dot understand this. Variety is the spice of life people.
5. Chef/Customer Involvement: I am a huge fan of knowing or at least meeting the person who is creating the dishes I am either enjoying or possibly not enjoying. I really think that it shows the character & passion of the Chef and the restaurant if they are directly involved with the community and it’s people.

There are some things that make me insane at restaurants. This list could probably be longer but I’ll keep it short so you don’t fall asleep.
1. I absolutely cannot stand when my empty plate sits in front of me for two long. I understand that some restaurants wait for everyone to finish their meals before they bus the tables. However, if I am finished eating and I am speaking to a friend or colleague, do I really want my elbows sticking in my pasta dish? If a busser is good, he/she can clear the table without you even know they were ever there. I think I have the answer. Kung-Fu bussers.
2. Music Selection & Volume: Every restaurant I have ever been in that is located in Northeast Ohio plays the absolute worst music ever at the worst volume ever. Seriously. Every single one. Don’t try to introduce me to what you & your establishment thinks is ‘good’ music. Keep it in the background. The food show be the main show, not the Portishead album from 2002.
3. Pretension: For some reason, the food industry has turned into the music industry. I hate it when I land a server who thinks they are the Courtney Love of restaurants. Sometimes I have come into contact with the uber server, someone who makes me feel bad because I don’t know what fois gras is. That is a no-no in my book. Every customer should be treated with same respect no matter what kind of culinary background or knowledge they possess.
4. Lack of information: All I have to say is GET A WEBSITE. If you can charge $20 a head you can afford a website that is updated. I am an internet gal, that is how I get my information. I don’t call for reservations, I book online.
5. Food: If your food and the presentation is not up to par eventually I will turn on you. I understand that all dishes cannot come out perfect. I do understand that people have bad days and sometimes things just don’t work out. However if this is my third time eating in your establishment and my chicken is raw pink yet again we may have a problem. I am also not a big fan of over seasoning. I like my food simple and you better believe that I can tell the taste isn’t there when you smother it in salt.
That’s it. That is all I ask of my dining establishments. It’s really not that much...keep stuff off your walls, make your food taste good, have your chef make an appearance, don’t play crappy ambient music at loud volumes, don’t hire Courtney Love, invest in a website, clear the table when appropriate and with kung-fu like silence, and you are golden. You are my perfect little restaurant.

Need a Getaway?

Check out the fabulous giveaway that Five Minutes For Mom is having. Kimmy, you should totally enter this.

Happy Birthday Catcher Crazy Face!

I have been a mother for two years today. What an astounding thing that took place 730 days ago. My boys is no longer a baby. He is growing into a little man. From the talking, to the cuddling, to the screaming and yelling, he is now able to express himself and let me know what he wants or how he feels. He can stand on his own two feet. He teaches himself now, I am only in the background guiding him on what is safe and what is 'angerous.'

He is two. My god, I am in awe. I absolutely cannot believe that this little man has been in my life for two full years. The greatest years of my life, mind you. He has taught me so much. Not only about raising a child, but about who I am as a woman, mother, wife, and person. I have discovered myself in two short years, thanks to my boy. Some people spend years taking classes, traveling the planet, working a million hours a week to find themselves. All it took for me was one very long (48 hours) birth of a child.

So my son, thank you for all that you are and all that you will be now & in the future. You make me proud to be a mother. You make proud to be your mother. Happy 2nd birthday Catcher. You are my love.

Thirteen Pictures of My Favorite Boys in the World

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This has been an interesting week regarding blogging. Here I was thinking that no one reads this thing and all of the sudden WHAM!, I am getting angry comments regarding the kind of vehicle I buy.


"Buy an american car and not that jap junk, i hope anyone with a brain wont eat in your new place and support your business that dont support AMERICA!!!"


You have got to be some kind of asshole to write a comment like this. I mean does this guy think that everything he buys was produced in America. I am guessing those shit kicking boots he wears to clean up cow dung everyday were mass produced in China. That Fouis Vuiiton he bought his redneck wife, also mass produced in China. What about the computer he used? Was it made in America? Not if it's a Dell, Sony, Apple, or Gateway. Pieces & parts of those 'American' computers are all outsourced to cheaper labor countries. Oh and let us not forget, his Ford F150. Although it is American, guess where it was assembled? That's right my friends, Mexico.
You see the line is unclear anymore where and by who things are made. You better believe that your 'America car' is most definitely not the most patriotic car on the road. Hell, my Prius was assembled in the great USA by actual Americans.

I hope to god this asshole comes to our FRENCH restaurant.

I am so sick of these people who have issues with the silliest little things. If you haven't noticed it ain't the 1950's. Our economy sucks, not b/c of me & others like me, but b/c of the goddamn war and the blue bloods who dragged all our service men and women into a quagmire. So F off. I got a birthday party to plan and I have to go buy some paper plates that were made in Malaysia.


PS...That jap junk (as you so eloquently put it) gets 60 mpg. While you are giving 75% of your salary to foreign oil conglomerates, I am able to save money to send my boy to an 'American' college, where he will learn how ignorant people like you can be. Cheers!

Let's Lighten It Up A Bit....

The husband just called. Apparently one of you kind folks that read my stupid blog thinks I am talking shit about him.

Just to clear some things up:

1. This blog is not meant to be taken true or serious ever. It is my therapy. Most of the time I don't even spell check. I write and I publish. I rarely look at my posts after I write them (obviously).

2. I love the chef and I love my life. If I bitch about something that has to do with the husband it is usually very fleeting. For those of you who know the Chef, you know damn well he is close to perfect (other than the nail biting), and I am not.

3. If I say the Chef is unhappy, I do not mean drinkin' himself to death like Jeff Buckley unhappy. I just mean that he is not able to do what he is passionate about on a day to day basis right now, so shit is a little murky.

4. If you think I am talking shit, you obviously have never heard me talk shit. When I do, you'd know it.

5. The Chef reads this blog, do you really think I would write anything that would piss him off or make him look bad?


That's it. I was pissed but now I am not. I talked to my love and he's cool so I'm cool. For those of you who aren't cool....
I was totally gonna do a happy post about our upcoming Disney vaca. Looks like that'll have to wait a few days. Peace.

My friend Molly sent me this link. For all of you mommies or daddies who are interested to see what really happens in childbirth. It is a beautiful and touching film (from the parts I have seen). Do not press play if you are expecting 'Knocked Up.'



The Sentient Circle has released a groundbreaking new film aimed at illuminating future parents on the impacts of conscious conception, pregnancy and birth. In this stunningly beautiful feature titled “Birth As We Know It” (1hr, 15 minutes), Director Elena Tonetti-Vladimirova shares her experiences as one of the co-creators of the “Conscious Birth” movement in Russia during the early 1980's. It included a very effective birth preparation program which culminated in summer birth-camps at the Black Sea where women gave birth to their babies in warm shallow lagoons.


The movie features eleven natural births, including home birth, water birth, birth of twins, breech delivery and an astounding self-birth by Tanya Sargunas - a world renouned Spiritual Midwife and pioneer of Conscious Birth in Russia. The midwife community calls this film "the most profound and comprehensive guide to conscious birth in the world", because it delivers a powerful transmission of what it really takes to give birth consciously and gracefully.



Also featured are informative interviews on topics rarely discussed, such as the Sexuality of Childbirth, Circumcision and Limbic Imprinting, and conveys its message in a non-intrusive, wonderfully inspirational way.

''We must pay tribute to Elena for prompting us to re-examine basic features of human nature. Her film explains why millions of women, all over the world, dream of giving birth in the sea, among dolphins,'' said Dr. Michel Odent, author, founder of the Primal Health Research Center in London (UK), and an icon in the world of natural delivery for the past 30 years.




Since 1982 Vladimirova has been involved in teaching her program of preparation for natural delivery and birth trauma release. She has traveled throughout the U.S. teaching ''Birth Into Being'' Workshops that incorporate breathwork, graceful movements and emotional healing that often lead to ecstatic birth experiences for both parents. “The birth itself is the last accord in this fascinating journey of self discovery", says Vladimirova, “After all preparation is accomplished, the delivery of the baby unfolds naturally in all it’s magnificence”.

Vladimirova believes that her documentary offers an opportunity to create a profound shift in the world by showing the significant impact that the conscious birthing experience has on the parents and the newborns. She gently states that, “humans have always had access to the most profound way of healing through bringing new life into this world. We can now reconnect with our source and give birth naturally, the way we, as a species, have always known.”

My great Aunt died this morning. She was my grandma's older sister. When I was little and we lived in Florida she used to drive me around in her car named Jake and we would visit this pink elephant (that I later found out was not real and lived at a mini golf course). Compared to my grandma I always thought she was the mean one. She wasn't really.

As I got older I came to the realization that she just had a hard life. The man she married had a stroke early on and she dedicated the rest of her life taking care of him. I remember her bringing him to family party's and I was always so amazed that she could haul his ass and his wheelchair in and out of her little Chevy.

The last time I saw her was in the winter. She was in & out of crazy. Catcher was there. I will miss her. Although I am sad, I am somewhat comforted knowing that my grandma will have some company at the great gig in the sky.

Thirteen Things I Forgot Happens When I Am Prego

1. The appearance of cellulite on my ass & thighs.
2. The ridiculous heartburn, the ridiculous gas.
3. The super psychotic insane nightmares.
4. Zits on my chest. WTF is that about, I really don't remember those from my first pregnancy.
5. My hair grows hella fast everywhere especially my toes.
6. The massive pain that I get in my abdomen from my big 'ol belly stretching.
7. Me turning into the sappiest, mushiest romantic ever. Thanks hormones!
8. My desire to eat bologna. Real bologna. You sickos.
9. The battle of the names. Loving one, then a better one knocks on my door.
10. Not being able to go to the bathroom.
11. Not being able to not go to the bathroom.
12. My boobs growing to watermelon size.
13. Weird shit coming out of my body any which way possible. (Sorry, TMI)


Really makes you wanna get prego, doesn't it??

13 Things/People That Make Me Insane

1. People who chew with their mouths open.
2. Young Hollywood
3. People who think that success equals the amount of money you have.
4. Cigar smoke.
5. Skinny Bitches. I'm talking Nicole Richie skinny.
6. Potato's skin rash treatment that I have probably spent thousands of dollars on.
7. Liars.
8. The media.
9. The war.
10. Presidential Elections.
11. Abusing wind shield wipers. What I mean is not using them when necessary or using them when it is not raining &/or snowing.
12. Bitten fingernails.
13. Not taking me seriously cause I am a woman.


Happy Summer Solstice Everybody!!

I never knew what low class was until today. My bitch of a cousin had his younger brother call my father and uncle and un-invite them to his wedding. Seriously. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I am appalled and saddened that the state of my family has disintegrated since my grandma has died. My poor grandma, she must be looking down on him with such disappointment.

Why the un-invite, you may ask? Business. That's all. Money. Greed. Possessions. Really Big Boats that cost as much as a house.

My cousin has turned into my greedy uncle in such a short time span sometimes I think it hasn't really happened and he is still the guy who introduced me to Biggie Smalls. Not so. He is a hilljack. Work means more than family. Work is life for him. Blood is no longer thicker than the green.

I mean really, who the hell has their 21 year old brother do their dirty work for them. What a pussy.

I really have so much more I would love to say but I don't want to bore you with all the sordid family past. It's actually quite stupid and boring. Especially when you consider how short life really is.

I guess the one I really feel bad for is his sweet fiancee who doesn't have a clue of how miserable life is about to become.

After moving back to Ohio, the Chef & I decided that I had to work at my dad's business so we could get health insurance. I have been working part time and believe it or not I am OK with it. Some days I absolutely abhor not being with my son, other days I treasure the time apart. Especially now that the boy is acting like a psychopath (terrible two's came a bit early). For the most part I look forward to being a full time stay at home mom again, although I am not quite sure when that will be...especially b/c I will probably be working some nights once Gastropub is open. In any case, I find time to blog at work obviously. I am working right now. And I want to murder my coworker. You see he is 20 years old and I am guessing did not go to high school. Seriously, based on his broken ass English, I am guessing he may have made it to the 8th grade. That still seems to be pushing it.
I am not trying to talk shit. Really I'm not. He is a very very nice kid. Harmless. However he is absolutely horrible at speaking. When I have a customer he comes inside and lounges, right next to the customer, and usually says something completely unrelated or inappropriate. As I was mid convo with a customer, he walks next to her, looks at me and say "I got my leg wet." What the fuck. Whacko. Then an hour later as I am helping another customer, he comes up and says "that burger gave me heartburn.' I am mid sentence with this customer and she looks at me like 'what the hell is this kid talking about.'




UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

I didn't even get to finish this blog post and the kid got fired. Seriously I think he may have been bipolar. One second he's happy & dumb, the next second he's swearing like he's got terets. He just stormed out of here and totally stole our walkie talkie.

Things have been brewing with the Chef since we moved back to Ohio and yesterday they all boiled over. I knew that he has been unhappy. It's not hard to tell with him. He completely morphs into a different man when he is truly unhappy.

Most of you know the Chef and know what a great man he is. Seriously he is the fucking man. He treats people (all people) better than most people treat their own family. He treats his own family with such respect and dignity that some might think it's all an act. But it's not. He is just, that cool. He loves life and he makes people like me, who are totally cynical, love life just as much as he does. Plus the man can cook. For chrissakes our dogs eat prosciutto and our baby's first food was fennel. That's gotta say something, right?

HOWEVER, when the Chef is unhappy and depressed, the man described above disappears. It's like he reverts into his former stoner self. He's lazy and is passionless. He ignores me. I nag. I ask him to help on one or two things and I find myself asking for 2 weeks. He spends money that we don't have on a $100 tee shirts. He gets wasted with our old psycho renters (who also happen to be our neighbors). What the fuck is that?

I do not like the unhappy Chef. He actually reminds me a lot of one of my (asshole) ex boyfriends who opened a ton of credit cards in my name and forgot to pay them off. Needless to say I now have shitty credit.
I need my Chef to be happy and loving and funny and a participating member of our quaint little (soon to be big) familiga. That is why starting today he must get a new job. Right now he is 'consulting' and by consulting I mean working 40 hours in three days for crap money. Seriously we are living below poverty level right now. But the facts are the facts. The restaurant is going to take at lease 3 months to get going and we are in serious need of some dough. Plus we just bought this sweet ride and let me just say that the car payments are NOT $99/month.

Responsibility sucks. I can't believe somehow I have turned out to be the more responsible person in the relationship. I guess those many many years of not giving a fuck are coming back twofold.

My baby's daddy (aka the Chef aka my husband) is hands down the best father I know (besides my own fajher). This pic pretty much sums up his relationship with our boy. Have I ever mentioned what a lucky bitch I am?

It seems as though disaster week has come to a close. We have had a full 48 hours without anything major happening to us. Praise Jebus!

Disaster Week Continues...

Guess who ended up in the ER yesterday? Yep, that would be me. I am ok just had some mild contractions that took my breath away.

Wonder what freak disaster is on today's menu?

I am getting some serious karma payback this week. Disaster week (as I like to call it) began on my birthday. I woke up sick as hell and spent the entire day in the bathroom. Seriously, eight hours folks. The Chef took the day off work to watch the boy and I wallowed in vomit and misery. Happy birthday to me.

Saturday rolls around and I feel better, not puking, and able to go to work. I went home and went to sleep. The Chef played mommy again and came home from work early to take care of the boy. What a man I married. Gotta love him!

Sunday morning I awaken fresh and new and excited for my big b-day party at the in laws. Fast forward 8 hours and Catcher is projectile vomiting all over the Chef. Poor baby is so sick, he refuses to leave my arms and then later on that night refuses to leave my bed.

We rise on Monday. Everything seems fine. The boy isn't sick. He's happy and he's headed to grandma's while the Chef and I head to some meetings. Our ten o'clock is running late so we both drive over to the Honda dealership to look at their hybrids. I am driving a work minivan because as of now we are a one car family. As we are leaving the dealership, I back up and hit a brand new 2007 CRV. Yes indeed, I hit a parked car. Of course the damage is minimal to my work van and serious on the Honda. Long story short, the damage done is going to costs about $1600. I filled a claim with my insurance, who then proceeded to go after my father's insurance (his biz is the owner of the car). Needless to say he is not a happy camper.

Hello Tuesday! A brand new day and my hubby, super dad decides that he is going to take the boy to the Great Lakes Science Center while I am at work. Everything seems to be all good. I come home from the mines and we all head up to the fabulous High Point pool to get our swim on. We come home, eat dinner, put the boy to bed, and start to watch the Cavs. It's looking like disaster week may be over but WAIT, it's not. Jon starts violently (seriously) puking. It is so gross. You know, having your baby puke is one thing, but having the man you have sex with puking is another. Especially because I really believe that all MEN are super over exaggerators when they are sick. This theory is based on my dad and my husband. When they are sick it is like the world had ended and they were left alone on this planet to roam forever. So, the Chef continues puking, which in turn cause the boy to wake up. It's now midnight. The Cavs lost, the hubby's sick, and the boy wants milk (which of course we are out of).

Today (Wednesday) I woke up at 6 to find every door in my house wide open and my husband sprawled across the living room floor wrapped in our comforter. I rush to get the boy ready and take him to grandma's so he doesn't get the sickness from daddy. I am now at work, sweating balls, trying not to step on any cracks.

Two more days of this shit and disaster week will be coming to a close. Wish us luck.

This was me on my birthday. No I wasn't hungover. Yes, I never left my bathroom.

Best Barfday EVER!

I would definitely have to say I am way more fulfilled being at home with the boy than I am at work. Now that I am back working part time, I feel like I a missing a part of my sons life. I enjoy being at work, sometimes I need the time away but I can tell you that when my day with Catcher rolls around I am a completely different women.
It is nice to get back into our daily routine even though it has changed drastically since the move. I love that he is so calm at the end of our fun filled day and I love that he chills out right before bed. I adore watching him while he sits in his playroom and reads himself books. I love talking him to the pool and seeing him trying so desperately to swim like the big kids (although I can def say I am not a fan of the 'moms'). These are the moments I am missing out on when I am at work and let me tell you each one counts. Each moment that I miss with him is a moment that I cannot get back. I hope soon things will start to come around and I will be able to stay home with him more than two days a week. Whoa. I can't believe I only have two days with him. Hold back those tears, mamma. There's no crying in baseball.

I have calmed down a bit. Thank god. I am so sick of getting so worked up about bullshit. I think I may also be panicking because Friday is my 28th birthday and that just seems so damn old, you know? I'm sure it doesn't help that my belly is already the size of a watermelon and my thighs seem to have enlarged by many many inches.
In other less grody news, we have finally settled on the building where Gastropub is going to be. It is an absolutely amazing building. It was meant to be home to a gastropub. I told my husband, the chef, that even if everyone walked away from this project right now, I would still want to go for it. That is how perfect the space is. Words cannot even begin to express...

Opening a business can take over your life if you let it. I am a passionate person and when I feel strongly about something it's no joke. I am on the fence about my own personal involvement in the opening of my husband's restaurant. Obviously I feel like my voice is subsided b/c of two things:

1. I don't know anything about the restaurant industry other than the fact that my husband works 80+ hours.
2. I am a girl.

I guess I just feel sidelined sometimes. I feel like my breath is wasted and maybe I should just shut the fuck up and concentrate on my own dreams. I mean I want to be involved but sometimes it seems that everything that has been discussed is so far away from the original idea that the two of us came up with. I wonder if I should just sit back and chill out. Why should I get so f'ng stressed out about shit that hasn't even happened yet? I'll tell you why. Because it's not just the Chef's future, it is also the future of my family. And that is what is most important to me.

Plus I am stubborn and strong willed and most of all, I am always right. About everything. Always.

Am I missing something? Do I not understand music? Am I going to have to actually boycott The Simpsons movie because of this? Please, Please, Please Say it Ain't So!

I can't believe how much time has passed since I last posted. So much has been going on that I have had zero free time. The Chef & I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Manhattan. He was catering the Roxy Paine art exhibit in Madison Square Park. It was an event that he had agreed to cater before he left Parea. It was a fantastic event. It went so smoothly and the food was unbelievable (as always).
The menu consisted of:

Braised Lamb Ribs
Raw Milk Pecorino & Raw Fava Beans
Tuna Spinallo
Spring Filo w/ Wild Ramps
Roasted Littleneck Clams w/ Veal Sausage



I was helping at the food table so I got to meet a bunch of art people, which is always fun for me considered my interest in painting and the arts. I met this crazy guy Steve who looked just like Jack Nicholson, he was a total art socialite and decided that he was going to crash the super exclusive VIP after party. He was a riot.
The art itself was so amazing. The pics don't do the sculptures justice. There were three and they were all so connected but so apart.





After the event, we took all of the Parea people who helped with the event to Barbuto, a favorite of the Chef's. There were 8 of us so we decided to order the tasting menu (4 apps, 4 entrees, 2 desserts). Little did we know what we were in for...





As you can see by the gluttonous pictures above being friends with the Chef is always beneficial.



When we got back to the CLE after a 2 hour delayed flight as well as one botched plane landing, we found that the Chef had some press come out for Gastropub in Cleveland as well as in NYC.

Check it out:

Eater

Cleveland Free Times

Cleveland.com



I am getting so excited and less stressed out about the opening of Gastropub. I think I will use this blog as a diary of the opening. I hope it won't be too boring for some of you. I definitely need some kind of outlet while all this craziness is going on so might as well blog, right?

More to come next week.