It has been quite awhile since I have dined in a chain restaurant. Come to think of it I can't remember the last time. I think I might have been prego with Catcher and my girlfriends were having lunch at TGIFridays.
We avoid them like the plague. When you are married to someone who can basically tell you where any type or kind of food came from, how much it cost, and how chemical & preservative filled it is, you tend to skip the large corporate chains. We are local whores, I mean localvores. We eat local. We spend our money local. And we try to buy local food.
Tonight was a different story. I was at my dad's and he was meeting my stepmother at Appplebee's. I had the kids. The boy was insanely hungry. Biggie Smalls was sleepin' so I thought what the hell, it can't be that BAD can it?
Yes, Yes it CAN. Worse actually than what I imagined.
When we got to the Applebee's locale there was a wait. I immediately headed for the door. There was absolutely no way in hell I was going to wait for Applebee's. The Spotted Pig, yeah I'll wait. Franny's, I'll wait. Applebee's, Fuck no.
The boy started to lose it just as the 17 year richster (hipster+trust fund kid) called our name. We were paraded through an aisle way of fatties that was about 16 inches wide. It was like a corral. The booth we sat in was literally 12 inches away from the next table. It was awful and packed and smelled like grease.
I started to read the menu and remembered that Tyler Florence (someone I had never even heard of before the chef informed me who he was) had some kind of deal with Applebee's. I looked for his special signature dishes and ordered the Bruschetta burger. And no I wasn't drunk.
We waited and waited and waited. Finally when Biggie Smalls started to freak out our server came by to tell us the kitchen was backed up. Mother fucker. The boy started losing it (as he does whenever his little sis is sadface) and I seriously thought about booking. Finally our food came. I didn't expect it to be good. But I didn't expect it to have a slice of cold mozzerella cheese on it either. It was on a soggy burger and the so called Bruschetta tasted like burnt oil. Honestly it was supergross. I feel like yaking right now. Actually I think I might make myself yak. My stomach is a rotten mess and you wouldn't believe what just took place in my bathroom.
I wish I just went home and skipped the $10 grossfest. Shit for $10 I could go down to Bar Cento and eat an Ohio beef burger with pomme frites and chilli mayo. So all in all I have pretty much decided never to go back to Applebee's or shall I say Crapplebee's. Or Fattlebee's. Or Nastybee's. Or Applebutt's. Or just plain shit.
And if anyone calls me a food snob you can go (insert middle finger here). No one should be OK with paying $10 for a disgusting frozen preservative filled meal. Just because you live in the burbs doesn't mean you should settle for food that is going to kill you sooner than later.
*****In all fairness I know that Tyler Florence wasn't back in the kitchen cooking my shit hamburger. I am sure some 17 year old stoner was responsible for that mess.*****
3.20.2008
Your Food Sucks Tyler Florence
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6 comments:
And another amen to that! Before having kids and educating ourselves to what goes in our food, my husband and I would eat pretty much anywhere just for the sake of eating out. Well, never fast food chains, but anywhere else. However, we're pretty picky now...partly because eating out is a luxury and we don't want it to suck and partly because we want to set a good example for our kids. We have an Applebee's here in town and I've never set foot in it. They don't have much of a vegetarian menu (actually, there are no vegetarian entrees on their menu) and that's another criteria we expect our restaurants to meet. Kudos to you for being committed to local love!
There is a restaurant in Rocky River called "The Woods" and they have a sign out front that says, "Friends don't let friends eat at chains."
Amen. Applebee's sucks ass. I once got a sundae there with rancid ice cream and a moldy brownie. Barf.
AMEN SISTER!!!! i agree with your post 110%. applebee's is the worst of all the chains.
i do have one exception though. chipotle. i get the craving once a month and i have to go get barbacoa soft tacos. putting the no chain rule aside.
oh well, everyone has their kryptonite.
we hate shitty places like that, too.
i'd rather eat my nails than hit up
an applebees...
i love helping my b-friend in the garden and there's nothing like fresh, homegrown goodness when it comes down to it.
we're hoping to get some chickens for
our yard, but we'll see how that goes. it's a chore "chicken-sittting" for friends, so we'll see how that turns out!
Friday Night must have been burger night. We headed out to "Jackalopes" which is in the city of Lorain. Why did we go there, excellent Burgers, Locally owned, great views of the Lake and excellent service. We are local whores also.
Lorain has more chains then we know what to do with and very few "Locally Owned" really, really good restaurants. Why because the folks here are morons and they prefer cheap crap over quality food.
This is the first post ever that the chef paused when he read it. I think he was worried about me pissing off a famous chef. But my thoughts are that if you are going to attach your moniker to something it better be something that you stand behind!
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