I am probably going to take some time off from Chef's Widow. Jonathon and I are getting married in a week and then we are off to St. Bart's for our honeymoon. So super excited, I feel like I haven't been alone with him in 2 years. He had a great write up in the NY Daily News yesterday, you can read it here. He is is amazing and deserves every bit if not more press. Anyways, as I said I am going to take a break from Chef's Widow as well as CatcherCrazyFace. Much love. Be back Sept 12, maybe sooner if I freak out.

Well, the boy & I finally made it back to Cleveland. Sorry about the delay but the drive took its toll on me & I really needed to chill out for a few days. It's nice to be home although chaos is about to happen because my parent's decided that they wanted an exchange student from Poland (who doesn't speak English) to come live with them for four months. I think we may start staying at Amanda's house or even Jon's parents houe. Jon has been pretty non exsistent in my life, I have barely talked to him since I left, plus we are having issues about this bachelor party & the involvement of strippers. I think it is ridiculous and he says it is tradition. I think that it is the most awful tradition ever. I just don't understand. Here you are getting married but two days before you are letting some other b*$tch put her body all over yours. I am pretty sure Jon would not want me to have some guy all over me. Plus strip clubs are sooo seedy, I know I used to hang out at them in college. My friend worked there and my roomate and I used to go get drunk for free there. Anyways I am rambling...The whole point is Jon is being retarded. Plus when I let him got to Vegas last year when I was pregnant for a bachelor party we agreed that there would be no strippers. Way to stick to that agreement, guy!

In other chef's widow news, Jon's restaurant was in the New York Post on Page Six for having Tom Hanks hang there. You know you have made it when Forrest Gump eats in your restaurant.

Last night while waiting for Chef to come home, I turned on my substitute hubby. I happened to find the MTV movie awards from June. Since I did not see it when it originally aired I decided to watch it. The first thing I noticed were all the up close shots of Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson. I thought I noticed a chemistry but how can you ever tell on tv. Soon enough it was confirmed. Kate, Matt Dillon, & Owen stepped on stage to present an award. Immediatley I knew the reason of the freshly announced divorce of Hudson & her hubby of 6 years, Chris Robinson and his name is Owen Wilson. It makes sense right? Kate & Owen are both stoners. Well my pyschic sense did me well because this morning I awoke and checked my faveorite blog Perez Hilton.
Sure enough this was the first thing I saw. I should work on Entertainment Tonight.

Well the past couple of days have been going ok. Catcher started walking full time and is being possibly the cutest baby I have ever seen. He walks like Frankenstein's monster. He also has to hold objects while he is walking, I guess it balances him. Who knows? I was on the lemon cleanse but went off it on the third day. I lost 6 pounds and I do feel good however I just can't not eat anymore. I need food. I am just going to stick to a strict chicken salad only diet until the wedding. Speaking of, the wedding is coming along pretty smoothly. I am headed back to Cleveland tomorrow in a rented SUV with the dogs and the babe. 8 hours of hell to look forward too. When I do arrive in C-town, I have meetings galore regarding the wedding. Friday I have to meet with the priest, who is not happy with myself or my husband. He is Jon's childhood priest and we were supposed do all this preliminary stuff (which we didn't) before the big day. When we moved he told us to join a church (haven't yet, but I walk by one everyday), take a marriage class (yep, that's a no-go), and keep in touch (my husband doesn't return phone calls). So this meeting should be super fun. On Monday I have a meeting with my DJ (who I dislike). He is a pompous ass who thinks he knows ALL music. When I told him our wedding song 'Hallelujah' by Jeff Buckley, he told me he would need a CD. I have meticulously typed a music outline. I don't want him sneaking in any Ashlee Simpson, if you know what I mean.
During this crazy week of lemon cleansing and walking I managed to somewhat complete a painting that I started on at least 8 months ago. I think I like it, it is unlike any of my other work. Let me know what you think.

I have had a crap day. The lemon cleanse is not my friend. All my brain can handle is this quiz. Be back tomorrow.

What is your favorite pen color? Black felt tip

What time were you born? 6.37 a.m

Do you know how to change a flat tire? No, I have AAA

Who taught you how to make meatloaf? No one. I have no idea how to make it.

How much was gas when you began driving? $.97/gal, took me $10 to fill up my ultima

What is the funniest thing a kid has ever said to you? My son has said some pretty crazy shiz-nit to me in Mandarin Chinese.


How many junk drawers are in your house? 2

Do you know what Dippity-Do is? Cheap cancer causing hair gel.

Would you ask a complete stranger if you had food in your teeth? Yes.... I have

Do you bite your nails/fingers/lips? My husband

How many jars of pickles in your fridge and/or pantry? Two

Toy you'd like to have back from your childhood: Popples, JEM. Glowworm,Jam Ball

What's the last concert you went to? The White Stripes or NIN, can't remember which was the last.

Is your Christmas tree still up? No, I never put it up.

Have you ever eaten paste or glue? No

It's been a crap day. The lemon cleanse is making me crazy but I have lost 5 pounds. This quiz is using all my brain power, I got nothing today.



How long since you went to the Dentist? About 11 months

Ever been on jury duty? No, thank god.

What is your favorite kind of hat? I like all hats, I am a hat chick. Right now I am into my houndstooth pageboy hat.

Are you a good speller? The best

What is the last thing you dressed up as for Halloween? Carrie, blood and all

Whose wedding did you go to last? Michael & Kari

And finally... Last time the top of your refrigerator was cleaned off? After the kitchen fire, so about a month ago.

I am on the lemon cleanse which may explain my craziness, bitchiness, and all around evilness. The lemon cleanse is not fun. It is actually painful and it makes me lash out. I am hungry and I want food but I refuse to be a fat ass for my wedding. My husband is going to have deal with my mood. It sucks that he is the one I freak out on but he can handle me. That is why I love him so. Sometimes I am a pyscho jealous crazy when it comes to him and he understands, he is the same way with me. What I am trying to say that is I am sorry for my previous post. I do trust my husband, I guess I just lack trust in the rest of the male sex. Jonathon is a good man, the best man I know and he would never hurt me or his family. I am just a crazy biotch who blows things way out of proportion. But really, I think it is completely reasonable for me to get a phone call every night. As a wife that is my right...

Sometimes it really sucks to be married to a chef. The long hours he works are ridiculous and the pay doesn't stack up. The jealousy also wreaks havoc on a chef's wife. An example of this would be my evening last night continuing into the morn. So the chef is at work last night and I am home with the baby and the dogs. We have an early night, take a bath, watch some TV. The chef usually calls me around 11 to let me know when he will be home. Sometimes I am awake to take his call, sometimes exhaustion gets the best of me and I crash. Last night, I crashed. So I never heard from him. This morning I wake up to my baby boy talking and crying, telling me to come get him. I get up and reach for my phone. Looks like the chef didn't call me last night. Hmmm, wonder when he got home? Nonchalantly, I ask him the time of his arrival. He says about 1.30 (way later than usual), I ask him why so late and he says he was talking about the restaurant to his sous chef and the FOH manager. Whatever at this point I don't care. A few minutes pass and his cell beeps with a text. I grab it and look. His brother is in the city, wants to meet. Great, all good. Then his phone goes back to all his texts and I see one particularly interesting text from his sous. This text is incriminating and leads me to believe that he was not only talking to his boys but also to a lady, who apparently 'wants his c@#k.' Well being the crazy jealous wife I am, I immediately confront him. He has no answer and is like 'what did the text say, I never saw it.' Whatever. This has happened more than once, I let him know. I then tell him that if the tables were turned he would be just as mad. Well after I say what I feel I have to say, he replies and says 'the bartender was telling a stupid story and no one was listening.' REALLY? That is your response to me about a text from your sous that says some girl 'wants your c@$k.' Awesome. I really trust you.

Honestly I hate my dogs. I know my previous post was cutesy and loving toward them both but I can't stand them. They are such a-holes when I walk them. I think that the one thing I despise about being a stay at home mom is walking the dogs and the baby multiple times daily. It blows. First off, Potato is a pitbull and pitbulls pull. They pull hard. Sometimes I have to use my entire body to hold onto him. Second, Vito hates dogs and is such a mean jerk to them. He has a Napolean complex and it shines when he is confronted with another canine. Third, while holding on to both dogs, I am also pushing the stroller with the baby in it. Pretty sweet deal, right? No. It sucks. I just took all three of them out and it was not a cool experience. What made it really bad was after I got done taking the two dogs, baby, and stroller down the flight of stairs, we walked out of the building and were gretting by a foo-foo dog and it's hipster chick owners. Vito went into attack mode, Potato started pulling, I started swearing, and the two chicks said 'must be tough, two dogs & a baby.' Bitches.

Ever since Catcher was born Potato has outright ignored him. We have never had any issues with the dogs and the baby so Potato ignoring him works for us. Vito is a different story. Vito loves all babies especially Catcher with all heart. If we go to the park and there are babies or kids, Vito is immediately drawn to them. He adores them. He wants to give them kisses and cuddle with them. One may think that this gesture coming from a dog who HATES all other dogs except Potato, is pretty darn amazing. It's not. The real reason Vito loves and adores little people is food. His tiny little brain has absorbed the fact that kids and babies alike are always dropping/throwing food on the ground. So in his devious little mind, he figured that befriending children=human food. God damn he's smart.

I'm baaaaack! Sorry about my lack of posting. I started this blog with hopes and dreams of becoming a real writer, however that has been looking somewhat bleak. It is just so much easier to keep up with posting on my son's website, Catcher Crazy Face. I love doing his blog, it's just that I need my own outlet. Moving back to New York really took it's toll on me and the best thing for me to do is let it all out. As of today I am doing well. Jonathon had the day off yesterday and his mom was in town so we decided to show her the great spoils of Coney Island. We packed up Catcher and headed off on the BQE in search of the Cyclone, Tottono's Pizza, Nathan's Hot Dogs, & the super dirty ocean. First we went for pizza at a place that the great Mario Batali recommended to my husband. It was good, definately in my top 5, however didn't even come close to Franny's(the best pizza in America). After the pizza we headed on to the beach. I am pretty sure Jon's mom was freaked out. Coming from the midwest, no matter how urban & cosmopolitan you think you may be, Coney Island can be inetense. The poverty and the ridiculous amount of pregnant teens can really knock a person on their ass. Aside from that the day kept on at a pretty good pace. We went to the beach, Catcher played in the sand while I hovered over trying to pick up glass before he could grab it. We took him in the ocean very briefly, because the massive amount of oil in the water really made me fell dirty. Coney Island beach is crazy, as we were leaving catcher and I went into the women's bathroom and the attendant was smoking a cigarette. I couldn't even believe it, I mean New York is such an anti-smoking state, how the hell is the Parks & Recreation worker going be smoking a fag inside a women's restroom filled to the brim with little kids. Amazing. I think after that uber white trash experience, the fam was ready to head home, but not without riding the Cyclone...

Yesterday the Chef had the day off. He thought he would surprise me and not tell me until the morning but he couldn't do it. So we woke up and lounged and then realized that we couldn't really go anywhere because it was 100 degrees in Brooklyn and the baby doesn't do so well in those kind of temps. So after about an hour of watching cooking shows (his pick) I got restless as did the babe. So we decided to brave the global warming temps and go out to lunch. For some reason I got in a mood. I don't know if it was the heat or what but I was being a megabitch to my handsome hubby. I think the real reason for my 'tude is because one day when he has a day off I would just love for him to offer to watch the boy all day and let me do my own thing. I guess I just resent him when he is home. Everything is so easy with Catcher. Anywho, I think he got to see more of how it really is being stay at home. When we went to eat, Catcher was sooooo bad. We went to BarTabac in Carroll Gardens and the baby was not having it. He kept climbing out of his hi-chair and knocking everything off the table. So bad. So I gave full control to Jon. Here you go buddy Mr. High Pitched Screamer is all yours. And after that he was perfect. Of course, perfect for daddy, devil for mommy. I love the little guy but sometimes....

The pic above is from a James Beard event that I got to go to with Chef Jonathon called
Chefs & Champagne.