Emergency trip to Cleveland. Will be back Thursday.

News....news...and more news. Must stop typing. Can't reveal yet.

When I was a little girl I used to have 'daymare's' about dying & death. They generally started right before I was going to sleep and I would have to tell myself stories to fall asleep. They were usually thoughts about how my life would be if people I loved passed away. Sometimes I would imagine my father's death, which would terrify me so bad that I would not sleep all night. Imagine that, a seven year old insomniac.
Ultimately these 'daymares' went away but the thoughts of them still resonated deep inside me. This led me to my biggest fear. Death. Ever since I can remember the thought of death has haunted me on a daily basis. Sometimes it would consume me so bad that I would be brought to tears.
And then one day, a funny thing happened. I no longer was scared to die (except on airplanes). The haunting had stopped and it was all because of the birth of my baby boy.
The life that he gave me was something I never thought I could achieve. His birth alone completely wiped out the thoughts of fear and death. My fear had turned into love for him and love for my family.
Now, that the boy is closely approaching his second birthday and our future is balancing in the wind, I find that I have a new fear. Something called uncertainty. Having a child seems to flush all the irresponsibility that used to define me, down the toilet. I have to think of the boy's future as well as our family's. With that magnanimous responsibility I find myself a little bit crazed and stressed.
As of today I do not know what I want the future to be like. Do I want to stay in the city? Is it going to be good for the boy? Should we move to the country and have a prosciutto farm? Do I want the Chef to be famous? Do I want the Chef to be rich? Is the boy going to be pissed that he doesn't have a backyard? Am I really going to like Zydeco?
This is all the shit that goes through me mind every single day. The uncertainty of our future is what is defining me right now. Am I ok with that? Can I be? Right now I just have to trust the fact that so far every decision we have made has been beneficially to our family. Those decisions have made us grow like we never thought possible.
I just have to keep telling myself that it will all work out.

I just want to reiterate how DANGEROUS pit bulls are....

Sometimes I love New York so much that I can't breathe. It can be such a beautiful place. A place that compares to no where else on the planet. How many people can say they live in a place that is not like any other?

So I just posted and my Ipod Radio (which I just found out about thaks to Papa Sawyer) just played 'Green Eyes' that reminds of some really great times I used to have with my friend Mikey. I searched YouTube so I could post it up for all y'all and I found this video dedication to a football (soccer) player named Torsten Frings. It actually fit really well cuz my MRM is really into the game and Torsten is pretty easy on the eyes. He actually kind of reminds me of the Chef. Weird. It's like 6 degrees or something.

So Cheers! Enjoy the tune.





Live Version by Coldplay if you don't feel like staring into Torsten's Green Eyes.

You ever have one of those days where you really want to rip someone's head off? Or maybe you are a pacifist and you just want to get really drunk? Or maybe you are an ex-smoker and the only thing you want to do is go buy a pack of Camel Lights and smoke 'em up? No... well let me just tell you a little bit about my day from HELL.

It all started with the renters. You see instead of selling our house in Ohio when we moved back to NYC, we decided to rent it. We knew there was no way we could afford to buy in the city due to the outrageous prices, so we thought it would be smart to build up equity on what we actually own. When I rented the house out, I followed the advice of a real estate, she made us a contract, I check the credit of the renters and soon enough we had a deal. If I only knew what I know now. Long story short they are absolutely fucking mad. Mad in sense that they both should be locked up in a psych ward. Mad in a way that neither of them ever speak to each other. One will call about something and then the other will call about the exact opposite of what the first one called for. Mad like super crazy, I'm talking Britney Spears Shave Your Head Crazy.
So they decided after months of calling and bitching about numerous things ( i.e. oil on the wall? WTF? Seriously they called me to tell me that. Why don't you just wipe it off, if there is oil on the wall...), they let us know that they wanted to buy a house and would like to move out in February and pay rent until April. The lease was until June 1st. We accepted! We were so glad to be done with the hassle of it all.
Today I had to deal with getting the keys back and it was ridiculous. First they never called my real estate agent back. He was going to get the keys from them last night. Again LSS basically I spent the majority of my day (5 hours) going back and fucking forth with each of 'em and my real estate agent/friend who was doing us a favor by getting the keys. He finally got them but not without me getting three more voicemails which I refuse to listen to ever. Ever.



Glad to be done with all the bullshit I focused on making the boy dinner ( a fabulous green peeper & tomata salad & antibiotic free meatloaf) and then giving him a bath.

Our normal routine is as follows:

• 6.30 Dinner
• 7.00 Bath for C
• 7.30 Teeth brushing & Book Reading
• 8.00 Bedtime

Tonight our routine got a little bit off track when Catcher took a giant caca in the tub. It was not pretty and it did NOT smell good. Disgusted and already super stressed I decided to wash C in the sink and get to the poopy tub later. He went down @ 8 and I sat down with a glass of wine at 8.05. I started to type this stupid long boring post and I accidentally knocked over my full glass of red wine. The glass went absolutely everywhere. The red wine went onto my new rug and I cut myself.

As you can see...my day has been shit. The only light in this dark day has been the fact that earlier in the day Catcher could not stop saying 'car ride.' He literally repeated for at least an hour. It was awesome as is he.

Hopefully tomorrow I will win the lottery or something. I am praying for some Karma.

Monday Night Music: Inara George

Happy Chinese New Year!

"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

The Year of the Pig 2007

The Boar type is usually an honest, straightforward and patient person. They are a modest, shy character who prefers to work quietly behind the scenes. When others despair, they are often there to offer support. This type of person is reserved with those they do not know too well, but as time passes and they gain confidence, those around them may discover a lively and warm-hearted person behind that mask of aloofness. Despite those born in the year of pig having a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, they have few close friends who understand them and share their inner thoughts and feelings. It is easy to put trust in pig type; they won't let you down and will never even attempt to do so. Such people simply want to do everything right according to social norms.

It is important to remember that these people are not vengeful creatures. If someone tries to take advantage of them, the pig type tend to withdraw to reflect on the problem and protect themselves. All they need in such situations is a little time to find a constructive way to respond. The people of the pig type are conservative creatures of habit. They dislike being made to travel too far from familiar surroundings, unless it is a trip to the countryside. They love nature and are never happier than when they are out somewhere, far from the city.

There is a tolerant and peaceful side to their character. Such people are never afraid to allow others their freedom of expression; they do not want to cause arguments and if there is any way to avoid arguing, they will probably take this option. They are not weak, however, and if the situation forces them to fight these people will rise to the occasion, whether it is to defend themselves or those close to them. People of the Boar type are the most admired by others.

We went to Chinatown yesterday to celebrate Chinese New Year, Year of the Pig, and it was an f'ng blast! It was way cooler than American New Years...

no offense but watching a ball drop while standing next to 10 billion people is not my idea of a good time.

We went to dim sum with the Chef's parents, which was great. The boy had a fabulous time and was so excited when the dragon's came inside the restaurant to 'bless it' for the year. The boy and papa even got to be in the middle of the parade and watch a kung-fu/karate? battle. Obviously not a real one.

More tomorrow. The 'rents are in town.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
All of Them. I hate paying bills. It sucks my soul right out of me.
2. Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
St. Barth's La Villa Belle Aurore
3. Last time you puked from drinking? Christmas
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar? I probably could have last night at Franny's. But really I would have to say sometime in college. I was a bit of ho back then...j/k
5. Name one of your first grade teachers?
Sister Rita St. Joe's
6. What do you really want to be doing right now? watching The Illusionist but I promised the chef I would wait till he got outta work.
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up? What every kid wanted to be...a Marine Biologist, still do actually.
8. How many colleges did you attend? Three. Perfection takes time.
9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now? Because it is warm and my g damn apt is fucking freezing even with the Target space heaters!
10. GAS PRICES! Are Bullshit.
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
Well obviously I would take the family. C-money, Potato, Vito, & Chef. I guess I could live in Key West for a bit, maybe St. Barth's, San Diego if we won the lottery...Anywhere sans snow.
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? No alarm, just baby. Slept thru, the Chef handled it this morning. I celebrated VD a bit hard last evening.
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? No idea. All I know is the sake I was drinking wasn't just regular sake. It was Sake Liqueur and it made me loady!
14. Favorite style of underwear? None
15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex? Boxer Briefs
16. What errand/chore do you despise? Cleaning
17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery? Yes. Why? Are you looking for someone?
18. Get up early or sleep in? Sleep in. So not a morning person.
19. What is your favorite cartoon character? Scooby Dooby Doo. Where are you?
20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy? Drinking TP or Scrabble. Watch movies. Travel. Make Out.
21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing? Obviously I have no secrets since I discuss my life publicly on a daily basis on this shitty blog.
22. When did you first start feeling old? After the kid.
23. Favorite 80's movie? Heathers.
24. Your favorite lunch meat? Bologna.
25. What do you get every time you go into Costco? WTF is Costco?
26. Beach or lake? Beach, lakes are grimey.
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented? Yes.
28. Who do you stalk on MySpace? Potato.
29. Favorite guilty pleasure? Vodka.
30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? I have a fabulous taste in films. No embarrassment.
31. What's your drink? Used to be Dirty Martini. Now it is Red Wine w/ Ice. I know I am so NOT COOL. Whateve, it tastes awesome & YOU know it!
32. Cowboys or Indians? Indians. Cleveland Rocks.
33. Cops or Robbers?? Doctor or Nurse?
34. What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Buy one.
35. Favorite Childhood Cartoon? Scooby.
36. Favorite Late Night After Party Eatery? Park Slope sux for late night eating, especially deliver. Nobody stays open past 10. So I guess I would have to say my fridge is my fave late night eatery.
37. What was your childhood fear? Death.
38. Who from high school would you like to run into? No one besides the people I still talk to or am married to.
39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? Book on Tape. Call me a nerd, I f'ng dare you.
40. Why do you fill out these surveys? I am starving for gratification from someone. I like to type. It's better than drinking alone.
41. Is it better to reign in hell or serve in heaven? Serve what...summons.
42. Norm or Cliff? What????
43. The Cosby Show or the Simpson? Simpsons, hell I have a Bart Simpson tattoo, what do you think?
44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? Stalking my ex after we were done. It was over and he was NOT even close to being worth it.
45. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work? My computer sits across from me at work, so yeah I guess I like him. He lets me blog all fucking day long.
46. If you could get away with it, who would you kill? Paris Hilton's Chihuahua and Paris
47. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with? Ewan McGregor
48. What famous person would you like to sleep with? Ewan McGregor
49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? Yep, summer fire '06.
50. Last book you read for real? Trying to read Tori Amos Bio, not getting very far...
51. Do you have a teddy bear? No, but Catch does.
52. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? At a rave.
53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? San Fran
54. Number of texts in a day? 5
55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? New Career
56. Do you go to church? No. Rather not spontaneously burst into flames any time soon. Thank you.
57. Pencil or pen? Marker
58. bueller??? bueller??? bueller? has anyone seen Ferris?? what the fuck?
60. What do you want to achieve in life? Already achieved everything now I am just going to get really really fat, like 600 lbs fat....you can just start calling me Fatty McFatster.
61. How old are you? -897
62. where do you see yourself when you are 40? Hopefully drinking bourbon on the wrap around porch of my pretend house in the bayou.

Celebrity Look Alikes

Stevie Wonder
Boy Wonder

To My Incredibly Awesome Hubby,

I feel like I should express my love to you today, not because Hallmark is shoving a Valentine card down my throat but because Cupid has just shot an arrow into my voluptuous booty.

We always say that we have been together for ten years with a six year break and I absolutely love it. It does feel like that doesn't it? No matter how long or how short that break was we were always in each others lives. Whether we talked on the phone everyday or we saw each other once a year at the Annual Sawyer Christmas Extravaganza you and I never lost touch or faded as friends.

Now I am your wife and I must tell you that I feel like I was put on this Earth to find you. I know that has a high cheese factor but it is the ultimate truth. I feel like I have finally grown into the woman I was always meant to be and I am most definitely sure that I could not have done that without your love and constant support of me and our family. You are such an amazing man to be with. You blow the rest of them away.

Who would have ever thought that in high school as we got stoned at The Enchanted Forest, we would end up hitched with child & doggies? It's quite fantastic the way life turns out sometimes. Life is such a mystery but when a part of it is solved, that's it, your done for. When you and I eventually fell in love all over again it was like a part of my life that I had been longing for appeared. Suddenly I knew what I was looking for but no longer needed to look. This probably doesn't make much sense. I guess I am just trying to explain that what I feel for you is something so extreme and powerful, sometimes when I think about it I can't help but think it is not really real. It is something that I have never felt for anyone else. It is a feeling that I am not sure most people ever get to experience. Although I may not deserve what I feel I am so so so so thankful for it.

I love you Jonathon and not just the bullshit relationship meaning of love. I mean I absolutely love you. I can't stand the thought of you loving anyone but me. When you are gone I am insane. We know this. The paintings tell of it. When you are here sometimes I want to eat you and sometimes I want to kill you. But it is all a form of the most ridiculous love that one human being can feel for another. So that is it. My Valentines to you. The man that taught me what 'I love you' actually means.

PS I love your new haircut, you look dead sexy.
PPS I wish we could have come eat some of your fabulous Valentine's Day Dinner @ Parea.
PPS Come home soon to collect your presents...

Because I am not really a fan of Valentines Day I am not going to offer you any quotes of love or any stories about saints. What I am going to offer you is a story, a true story that actually took place in the real world where cherubs and cupids do not reside. It is not a pretty story, nor will it make you feel like laying next to your lover, it is sad, but nonetheless it is a part of our history. It should be spoken so the people who lost their lives on that tragic day are not forgotten.

For a city that is so filled with the history of crime, there has been little preservation of the landmarks that were once so important to the legend of the mob in Chicago. Gone are the landmarks like the Lexington Hotel, where Al Capone kept the fifth floor suite and used the place as his headquarters. But most tragic, at least to crime buffs, was the destruction of the warehouse that was located at 2122 North Clark Street. It was here, on Valentine's Day 1929, that the most spectacular mob hit in gangland history took place..... the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

The building was called the S-M-C Cartage Company and was a red, brick structure on Clark Street. The events that led to the massacre began on the morning of the 14th. A group of men had gathered at the warehouse that morning, set up by a Detroit gangster who told Moran that a truck was on its way to Chicago.
One of them was Johnny May, an ex-safecracker who had been hired by George "Bugs" Moran as an auto mechanic. He was working on a truck that morning, with his dog tied to the bumper, while six other men waited for the truck of hijacked whiskey to arrive. The men were Frank and Pete Gusenberg, who were supposed to meet Moran and pick up two empty trucks to drive to Detroit and pick up smuggled Canadian whiskey; James Clark, Moran's brother-in-law; Adam Heyer; Al Weinshank; and Reinhardt Schwimmer, a young optometrist who had befriended Moran and hung around the liquor warehouse just for the thrill of rubbing shoulders with gangsters.
Bugs Moran was already late for the morning meeting. He was due to arrive at 10:30 but didn't even leave for the rendezvous, in the company of Willie Marks and Ted Newberry, until several minutes after that.

While the seven men waited inside of the warehouse, they had no idea that a police car had pulled up outside, or that Moran had spotted the car and had quickly taken cover. Five men got out of the police car, three of them in uniforms and two in civilian clothing. They entered the building and a few moments later, the clatter of machine gun fire broke the stillness of the snowy morning. Soon after, five figures emerged and they drove away. May's dog, inside of the warehouse, was barking and howling and when neighbors went to check and see what was going on... they discovered a bloody murder scene.

Moran's men had been lined up against the rear wall of the garage and had been sprayed with machine-guns. They killed all seven of them but had missed Bugs Moran. He had figured the arrival of the police car to be some sort of shakedown and had hung back. When the machine gunning started, he, Marks and Newberry had fled. The murders broke the power of the North Side gang and Moran correctly blamed Al Capone. No one will probably ever know who the actual shooters were, but one of them was probably Machine Gun McGurn, one of Capone's most trusted men.

Surprisingly, while Moran quickly targeted Capone as ordering the hit, the authorities were baffled. Capone had been in Florida at the time of the massacre and when hearing the news, he stated, "the only man who kills like that is Bugs Moran". At the same time, Moran was proclaiming that "only Capone kills guys like that".
Moran was right.... Capone had been behind the killing and this was perhaps the act that finally began the decline of Capone's criminal empire. He had just gone too far and the authorities, and even Capone's adoring public, were ready to put an end to the bootleg wars.

Chicago, in its own style, memorialized the warehouse on Clark Street. The place became a tourist attraction and the newspapers even printed the photos of the corpses upside-down so that readers would not have to turn their papers around to identify the bodies.
In 1949, the front portion of the S-M-G Garage was turned into an antique furniture storage business by a couple who had no idea of the building's bloody past. They soon found that the place was visited much more by tourists and curiosity-seekers than by customers and eventually closed the business.
In 1967, the building was demolished. However, the bricks from the bullet-marked rear wall were purchased and saved by a Canadian businessman. In 1972, he opened a night club with a Roaring 20's theme and rebuilt the wall, for some strange reason, in the men's restroom. Three nights each week, women were allowed to peek inside at this macabre attraction.

The club continued to operate for a few years and when it closed the owner placed the 417 bricks into storage. He then offered them for sale with a written account of the massacre. He sold the bricks for $1000 each, but soon found that he was getting back as many as he sold. It seemed that anyone who bought one of the bricks was suddenly stricken with bad luck in the form of illness, financial ruin, divorce and even death.
According to the stories, the bricks themselves had somehow been infested with the powerful negative energy of the massacre!
Whatever became of the rest of the bricks is unknown..........
Or that's what the legend says....

In recent years, other bricks have emerged that claim to have come from the wall. These were not bricks purchased from Patey but were smuggled out of the lot by construction workers and curiosity-seekers. It was said that from these bricks come the legends of misfortune and bad luck. Are these bricks authentic? The owners say they are... but you'll have to judge for yourself!

Whatever the legend of the bricks themselves and whether or not they have somehow been "haunted" by what happened, there is little doubt about the site on Clark Street itself. Even today, people walking along the street at night have reported the sounds of screams and machine guns as they pass the site. The building is long gone but the area is marked as a fenced-off lawn that belongs to the nearby nursing home. Five trees are scattered along the place in a line and the one in the middle marks the location where the rear wall once stood.

Passerby often report these strange sounds and the indescribable feeling of fear as they walk past. Those who are accompanied by dogs report their share of strangeness too.... Animals appear to be especially bothered by this piece of lawn, sometimes barking and howling, sometimes whining in fear. Their sense of what happened here many years ago seems to be much greater than our own.

To hear more about The St. Valentines Day Massacre check out Prairie Ghosts.

POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma


JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour
shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

I cannot believe how big my baby boy is getting. Yesterday I took him to get his first haircut, which he HATED. He ended up with a cross between a mullet and a mohawk. I just couldn't bring myself to cut off his curls.
When I look at him I realize just how fast time with him is going to pass for me. It seems that everyday when I wake up I meet a different boy, a smarter boy, a bigger boy, a sillier and sarcastic boy.
I feel like crying sometimes because I will never have my little baby back but the evolution of Catcher is so amazing to watch in wonder.
Sometimes I have a hard time with being a stay at home mom. These times usually are caused by lack of seeing my husband or I am deathly ill. Other than those particular times I cannot imagine doing anything else.
I am so FORTUNATE to be able to stay home everyday with Catcher. I am so FORTUNATE to be able to actively participate in his life and his learning.

Who would have ever thought that I, once a wild party girl who could out drink pretty much anyone in the room, would absolutely love raising a child and running a household?

I guess what I absolutely love about staying home is that I am witness to his growth and the expansion of his mind and it gives me a certain sense of accomplishment. Everything I do somehow, someway affects him and shapes him. It is so much responsibility but for once in my life I feel like I have no problem taking it on.

I just can't believe this kid is spitting out sentences like there is no tomorrow. I guess I am feeling a bit nostalgic today.
It seems as if when they cut off his hair they cut off his babyhood. He is no longer my little baby, he is now my big boy who uses real forks and can put his own jacket on.

Finally I am actually feeling like a human being again. After being couped up in our tiny ass apartment for a week the husband and I went out for a night on the town. Well actually we just went out to dinner, but damn was it good! We ate at The Spotted Pig, a restaurant that I have had adult beverages at many a times, but not once have I eaten there. This is what we ate:

• Beau Soleil Oysters with Mignonette
• Shoestring Fries
• Pot of Pickles
• Sheep’s Ricotta Gnudi with Brown Butter and Sage
• Razor Clam Chowder with Homemade Crackers
• Flourless Chocolate Cake

It was a great meal. The Gnudi was amazing. I told Jon if he had it smeared all over his body he couldn't handle the things I would do:)...That is how freaking INCREDIBLE it was. The atmosphere at TSP is pretty cool too, it is a gastropub (something Jon is considering opening) which means it is a bar but it serves bomb ass food as well.
When we got home I made him watch The Grammy's on Tivo with me. We waited and waited throughout the long ass show for the Red Hot Chili Peppers to perform. Being a bit tipsy Jon went into a long tangent about how insane and awesome John Frusciante is and that he really liked his hair and beard. Being a bit tipsy myself I paid no mind until this morning when I found the husband shaving his long ass hair just like John Frusciante's. See what a night on the town gets you...

John Frusciante (second from left)My Jon Pre-Grammy watching (like a month ago, so his hair was actually way longer)
My Jon Post Grammy'sThe Hair That Wasn't There



PS...How many times did I say ASS in this post?

I have been miserably sick all week and I think I am just getting worse. I could have never imagined how hard it is to be a stay at home mom to a 19 month old boy and be seriously ill. Today the husband went into work late so he could take Catcher to his first Brooklyn Conservatory Musical Adventures class and I could try and sleep. I did but sleeping seems to make me feel shittier.
After the husband left for work (around 2pm) the TV turned on. Mom laid on the couch and the boy watched TV. The guilt I felt is overwhelming. I hate having Catcher watch TV especially cuz he is so good at it. He just sits in his inflatable chair and spaces out.
I am a TV Nazi around our house and I am constantly freaking out on Jon when he has the TV on as background noise. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT one of those parents who doesn't allow TV. I do allow it. I just limit the time it is on when he is awake. He is also only allowed to watch a handful of shows that include Sesame Street, Zooboomafoo, Barney (the kid loves to dance), and The Backyardigans (with dad).
So being sick has made me feel like a crappy mother. I still did some stuff with him today but for the most part I am so weak that reading books was our only together time. We did watch 2 episodes of Sesame Street together and I realized and questioned some things.

• Sesame Street reuses the material that I used to watch when I was a wee one.
• How much work has Maria had done? She looks like she's the same age as when I used to watch. Mr. Hooper on the other hand doesn't.
• When did Oscar move into the trash can with an elephant. Are they married or just roomies?
• Sesame Street is totally filmed in my neighborhood and the park in the opening song is Prospect Park which was our deciding factor in moving to Park Slope.
• If I watch Sesame Street, I sing Elmo's world all day long. In fact I am singing it right now and my brain is saying 'Stop!!!!'

In conclusion I will leave with you a clip of Dave Chapelle breaking Sesame Street down. It's funny as hell so enjoy!

Obituary

Not since Cleopatra first cast her spell upon both Julius Caesar and Marc Antony has the world seen a seductress the likes of Anna Nicole Smith. Gifted with the rare combination of beauty, drive, and rapier-like wit, Smith proved that a woman could outgrow her hardscrabble upbringing with a firm sense of herself and the refusal to accept any sort of failure.

In every single way, she was the purest embodiment of the modern female celebrity.

Beginnings

Born Vickie Lynn Hogan in 1967, Smith grew up in the small town of Mexia, Texas, where she eventually found employ as waitstaff at the town's befamed palace of poultry perfection, Jim's Krispy Fried Chicken. Whilst tendering her services, she came into contact with young Billy Wayne Smith (at sixteen, he was actually a year her junior).

Thus blossomed one of the great romances in the storied history of north central Texas. Their ardor proved itself almost immediately; within nine months of their wedding, a child was born.

They named him Daniel, after the Biblical hero tested by lions.

But in 1987, just two years later, she split with Billy Wayne. Because of their bond, and possibly their inability to afford lawyers, they did not officially divorce until 1993.

Young Anna Nicole fulfilled a need to serve her country by working at a Wal-Mart. From that perch, she deigned to accept a spread in Hugh Hefner's publication Playgirlboy in 1992. She was Playmate of the Year in 1993. She only then officially adopted the name Anna Nicole Smith, a moniker composed of an opaque series of extremely personal allusions.

She consented to allow Guess? Jeans to use her as a model.

Her first real run-in with the law was in 1994, in a suit against New York magazine. Offended by their disdain for the lower classes, she claimed damages of $5-million because her own depiction was used to incite hatred of "white trash."

Love and Tragedy and Law

But it was a few years before those contentious political times that Anna Nicole met the love of her life, J. Howard Marshall. In 1991, she was visiting a friend at a fine French restaurant named Gigi's, which featured dance performance. The oil billionaire was immediately smitten.

In 1994, the lovers married. Anna Nicole was 26; her groom was 89. They were married for a little more than a year before they were separated by his untimely death.

Almost immediately after his death, her spouse's son began a decade's worth of cruel litigation over his father's estate. Anna Nicole was forced to file for bankruptcy. Texas and California courts disagreed; the matter went federal.

Not since Andy Warhol's death—another artist of personality, with whom she had much in common—had such probate actions been seen.

Just last year, the Supreme Court itself was forced to intercede on behalf of Anna Nicole, affirming her right to protect herself in federal court. Through her persistence until the very end, Anna Nicole became something of a hero to women who had historically been treated so cruelly in the courts.

She fought until the very end, no matter how endlessly poorly the world treated her.

Women's Health, Strength, and Goodbyes

As a second-wave feminist, Anna Nicole was extremely concerned with women and body image issues. In partnership with a woman-friendly company called Trim Spa, she took her campaign to the streets. Her once waify model-weight increased at last to a healthy state.

She took up animal rights causes, and in 2006, stopped working as a model, citing the vagaries of a woman-unfriendly industry.

But according to a statement released by PETA today, something tragic happened. When Anna Nicole became a vegetarian, she began, dangerously, to lose weight again.

Still, she gave birth to a daughter that year, in September. Three days later, her son Daniel, then 20, died. Just a few weeks later, she was able to conduct a commitment ceremony with Howard K. Stern, in the Bahamas.

As a class-conscious statement, the commitment party was catered by Kentucky Fried Chicken.

To honor her son's memory, she sold the last pictures ever taken of him for $650,000.

That love—nor all the other love she enjoyed—was not enough. Today, in Hollywood, Florida, at the Hard Rock Cafe, paramedics could not revive her, and she died at the age of 39.

A commentator on CNN said a few hours after her death that "This is certainly an unexpected and very tragic turn of events for Anna Nicole Smith." Unfortunately, that was both true and also not in any sense accurate.

When I first heard that Anna Nicole Smith died I was immediately saddened. Not for her, because I don't believe she ever really lost that selfishness a mother usually loses after they have a child, but for her poor daughter. The poor girl is going to grow up without a mommy in a hailstorm of crazy, possibly drug addicted people fighting over money that was never theirs to begin with. Hopefully all of the bullshit will be put aside for the safety and well being of Anna Nicole's little girl.

RIP Anna Nicole. Bless you Dannilyn.

Yesterday was a bit ridiculous even for our unlucky family. The husband was off and we were going to spend the day at a museum. At 10 am the power went off. This is something that has happened before. We live above arestaurant and their breaker is connected to ours, so no big deal right? Wrong. We called the landlord (he blew us off), then we called ConEd. ConEd informed us that we had actually not been paying the right electric bill so they shut off our service. WTF? Seriously what the hell does that mean? Well according to Mrs. Hunt, Mrs. Johnston, Ms. Smith, and Mrs. Singleton it means that our aprtment has two electrical meters and we had only been paying one. We were never told of this other 'mysterious' meter however it was our FAULT. We were trying to cheat that poor defensless company called ConEd. We were told by these women that someone would fix the problem by 8pm. Really? 8pm? Ten hours from our first phone call.
We waited. We stole power. We watched Lord of the Rings extended version. We set up candles just in case they were really going to show up at 8pm. And then...the power went out again. This time in our entire building. The heat soon followed and the hot water was next. It was 4pm and getting darker and colder by each passing second.
We called our landlord. He blamed it on us. Yep it is definately our fault that your building has shitty wiring that has caused TWO electrical fires in the past year. He is such an asshole. I mean he is getting $2500/month for our silly little apartment. It's not rent controlled and I am sure he has owned the building for forty years. He is banking. Some money into this crapshack wouldn't hurt.
Finally 8pm rolled around and still no power. The husband was getting angry and called ConEd for the last time. He actually spoke to a woman who had not sold her soul to Satan and she walked us thru and assured us that it would be turned on. It was turn on in five minutes.
Needless to say, our date night fell through, although hopefully Jon & I will be able to go out on Sunday night.
To sum it all up:

• I hate my landlord, I should say Slumlord but his Gucci shoes throw me off every time.
• I hate ConEd. The people who work there should be forced to woprk outside during the winter months. Maybe then would they show some compassion.
• I need to move out of NYC. I think I need to live in the 'burbs. I know I will be bored but this is getting ridiculous.
• I am obsessed with Law & Order:CI~ we watched so much TV yesterday (when we stole power) and the CI was the best. I love Bobby Gorin!
• I am a goober.
• I am so sick and only want to sleep right now but I feel like I am a terrible mamma.

I stole this ridiculous video from the East Village Idiot. If you get a chance check him out, I just spent way way way too much time chuckling at his work.

I honestly think that the sub zero tempatures are making me computer work like crap. It has been moving so slowly that I feel like it's 98 and I have dial up all over again.

It is so so so so ridiculously cold outside, so cold that I refuse to leave the apartment for more than five minutes. Seriously it is skin burning cold...frigid in fact.

It is so damn cold that Vito and Potato are wearing clothes and scarves for their evening stroll.

It is so cold that we are boiling water on all the stove burners to make our gdamn apartment a little warmer.

It is so cold that my husband is actually wearing his puffy Marlboro jacket he won with miles in high school. And let me tell you how HOT he looks in it. Not at all like a redneck...

Yeah it's pretty f'ng cold.

What the hell is this about??????

Freak weather is often in the news these days, but in Russia something particularly strange has happened with falls reported of yellow and orange coloured snow.

Russia has flown a team of chemical experts out to the Siberian region where this has happened to investigate further. More than 1,500sq km (570sq miles) in the Omsk region of Siberia experienced falls of the snow, which was also described as “oily” and “smelly” and fell over several towns

Officials have said that chemical analysis is being carried out and Vladimir Gurzhey, an official with the civil defence ministry in Omsk, said on Russian television that the snow had four times the normal levels of iron in it.

Residents in the Omsk area, where some 27,000 people live, have been advised not to use the snow for any purposes or allow their animals to graze in it.

The boy had his first major accident. The blood it was a flowin...

I don't know how it happened. One minute he was walking in the grandparents kitchen the next minute he's crying and his toe is gushing.

The bleeding wouldn't stop and the grandparents are not very equiped for emergency child first aid.

After 20 minutes of exessive bleeding I made the call to the Dr. sister in law and soon we were off to her office.

She patched him up and put some surgi sticks on his little toe.

He was fine. No crying. No screaming. Just a whole lot of blood.