Obviously No Relation

Catcher (6 mos) & Lou (3 1/2 mos) look nothing alike. And we had hoped that she looked more like me...

Fu@k the Snowbelt

I know that we live in Ohio but this shit is ridiculous.

My kids are finally better and it's too damn cold to go anywhere.

Even if we did decided to get bundled up and go somewhere, the people driving on the roads are so retarded that it would probably take us two days to get two miles.

New Orleans is calling my name.

{'move here widow... it's warm and we make really good gumbo and collards.
move here widow... you can eat beignets and drink really good french coffee every morning. move here widow... catcher can go to school with brad & angie's kids.
move here widow...practice voodoo and listen to jazz.'}

Someday NOLA, someday.

Let the Recovery Begin

I may have been going a little overboard lately with the beverages and this past weekend proved to be no different. Friday night we took Catcher & his cousins (3 boys under 10) to the Lake Erie Monsters hockey game. We had gotten them tix as Xmas presents. Catcher was still a bit under the weather however his fever was gone and he really wanted to go.

When we arrived, I immediately consumed (2) $6.25 plastic bottles of Bud Light. Yumster! Catcher got his hair painted and some Monsters tattoo's. He also met a older lady friend (age 9 and sat with her for the entire second half. He even put his arm around her. Awwwww.

We got to see three staged fights and eat dollar hot dogs. Not much in life that is better than that.

I think everyone had a good time however the next morning sucked. Shitty beer and lack of sleep does not do a widow any good.

On Saturday the entire family headed to downtown Cleveland for Rock-n-Tots. Again Catcher was still hurting but he trudged through the three floors of fun like a champ. Lou even got into the spirit. She baby bjorned it all day and we barely heard a peep.


Gotta love a three month old baby.



As the chef watched both kiddies dance, get more tattoos and have tunnel races, I helped myself to 2.5 glasses of $8.00 merlot (pronounce the 'T'). Not a good idea friends. My tolerance is so low that 2.5 glasses of shitty merlot (pronounce the 'T') gets me loaded. I started pounding waters but by the time I left I was hurting. Thank god when we got home the kids were both wiped and fell asleep. Perfect time for me to catch up on Lost.

And Jebus' day proved to be no different than the two previous. The chef & I had a date to go see There Will Be Blood in the afternoon. We dropped the kids off at the in laws and made our way to the suburban sprawl of a mall. We bought a large popcorn (like either of us need it) and settled in. The movie was good. Long and Paul Thomas Andersonish, but good. Daniel Day Lewis was phenomenal. Obviously. He goes to places that no one has ever gone to before on film. It is astounding. His posture alone made the character of Daniel Plainview. It was so unreal.
His supporting actor, Paul Dano (from Little Miss Sunshine) was also unbelievable and I am really surprised that he didn't get an Oscar nod.

After the flick we hung at the in laws and I may have had a few glasses of Amarone. This may have inspired me to drink 3 glasses of Shiraz when we got home. I was watching the Grammy's. It was hella boring. So I got hella drunk. Well hella drunk for me. It was the first time since I had Lou that I was really concerned about nursing. So I did the whole pump and dump thing and then fed baby girl cereal until a few hours had passed. Doing this allowed me to wake up at 4am. Which I really wanted to do.
Now I am a tired mess, my walls are breathing, it's too cold to leave the house, and I have a three day hangover. Real nice. I think I have had enough of the drink for at least two weeks or at least till the Chef's Beer Dinner.
This weekend has made me realize that I am so thankful the Chef rarely has a free weekend. Cuz girl can't kick it like she used to. This widow is getting to be a golden oldie. Pretty soon I'll be going on superbowl cruises and eating dinner at 5 o'clock.

Baby Hates Bottle

My girl loves the boob (as does the chef:). She eats alot. She's three months old and barely fits into 6 month clothes. She's big. She's thriving. Girl loves life. What girl doesn't love is the bottle. In fact she hates the bottle. She absolutely refuses to take it.

Which is making mamma crazy.

We (my mother in law & I) have been trying to get her to use the bottle. I drop Lou off for a couple hours and pray she takes it. But she doesn't. She just screams. And screams. And screams.

What's a girl to do?

Today I introduced her to my new best friend Earth's Best Organic Rice Cereal. She loved it. Girl ate like 4 ozs in two minutes.
Thank you JEBUS!
My non exsistent social life can resume~

Aiuto! Aiuto!

As you may have noticed I have been messing with the layout of this blog. I like it right now however I would like my logo to be bigger and I can't figure that out and I would like to add a left sidebar. Can anybody help? I would be in your debt foreva!

Check out the new layout over at The Awesome Adventures of CatcherCrazyFace & Lala Louisana. It kicks ass.

Sicko

The boy is sick again. I hate winter. And other kids. They are just such disease passers.

I really don't hate other kids (well some), it's just that whenever my boy hangs with anyone under legal drinking age he gets sick. Now he's got some kind of fever allergy thing. Looks like we'll be recluses again this week.

I think that I really need to take my annual sabbatical to my birthplace. St. Pete Beach in Florida. This is the first year that I haven't been to Florida in the winter in almost 10 years. Crazy. I think I am going have to pull a fast one and bum along on my dad's annual Florida trip or I may lose my mind and have to start taking drugs for some made up seasonal disorder. (I know seasonal disorders exist, shit I have one, I just don't think you need drugs to cure them, I think you need sun)

I really do need to go to Florida but I am guessing there is no way the chef can take off anytime considering how slammed the restaurant has been this past month. Maybe I'll buy a sun lamp.

Who knew Matt Damon was funny?

Blah Blah Blah

Whenever the chef works hella long days I lose my shit. I am instantly transformed into a single mom at home with two kids and it usually blows. For those single mama's out there- props to you-.

I can definitely admit that when the chef goes to work at 8am and doesn't get back till 1 am I get pissed. At him. At my dogs. At anyone.

It doesn't help that I have been sick all week. Must have caught what the boy had. Every five seconds I am running to the WC. I can't hold any food down, which might be a good thing considering I have barely lost any baby weight. Woe is me, right?

I should stop bitching and clean my gross house.

Conversations w/ Catcher

Catcher: "Owie mommy."
CW(while holding Lou): "What hurts babes?"
Catcher: "My butts"
CW (still holding Lou): "Sorry buddy."
Catcher: "Kiss it sister."

Catcher the Photog

My little man got a sweet ass toddler camera this past xmas and he took these great photo's. Looks like I may have a male version of Annie Leibowitz on my hands.

Down with the Sickness

Our first visit to a preschool and Catcher blows chunks on the drive home. Poor guy. I was never a fan of school either.

Catcher & Cat

Stevens that is. Or Yusuf Islam if you're listening to his new stuff. And by new I mean recorded after '79.

Catcher hounds the chef & I on a daily basis to hear Moon Shadow. Last night we were rocking out and he just went nuts when Wild World came on. So nuts that he almost crashed into out 5,000 lb old school not a flat screen TV.

A Whole Lotta Nothing

The kids are asleep, the chef is at work, and I have just poured myself a glass of Lambic.
Ahhh, the finer things.

I must admit that I do love time by myself. I haven't had much these past few months and I certainly am not going to have any in the upcoming months. But I'll take what I've got.
It's kinda funny because I don't really do anything productive with my alone time. I usually post on this blog, read other people's hilarious blog posts about jerkin' off in Thai restaurant bathrooms, or check out videos of a sweet ass actor singing a Bob Dylan song. Or at least that's what I am doing tonight. Man sometimes I am soooo lame. But I guess it's better than going batshit crazy and trying to pick up someone else's kids at a grade school.

Little Louisiana

Makes me very happy

Remembering St. Barth's

The news of Heath Ledger's death and the fact that it is like 12 degree outside have managed to put me in a sour mood. It is tough living in Ohio in the winter and so far I have done my best to avoid the wintertime blues. But I think I may have lost the battle.

I absolutely hate being depressed. I love to live life and it really sucks when I get in a mood. Everyone is affected. This bout is especially tough as I have my own shit going on with my family that never seems to go away. I am trying to be proactive about it so that is why I spent hours upon hours yesterday uploading our Honeymoon pics from 2006 to our Flickr account. There were 300 of them.

So instead of being a depressed debbie I am gonna walk you through one of the best weeks of my life.

Arial view of St. Bartholemy

Hating the Two Seat Prop Plane


View from Villa Belle Aurore


Uma Thurman's Mansion


He really loves me.

The Chef @ Eden Rock

Chef's Widow @ Eden Rock

Cheese, bread, & wine. What more do you need?

Another One Bites The Dust, Heath Ledger Dead @ 28

The chef & I always related to Heath Ledger & Michelle Williams. They lived in our neighborhood in Brooklyn and they had a child at the exact same time we did. One could say they were our favorite celebrity couple. Neither of us had ever met them but we would see them around the neighborhood with their girl Matilda. They seemed pretty normal. He would skateboard while Michelle would be walking with her baby girl.

Michelle Williams, Heath Ledger, & Daughter Matilda in Brooklyn

When I heard that their relationship had ended over the summer, I was sad. I had always hoped that they would make it as a couple not only for their daughter's sake but for their own as a couple out of Hollywood.

Today I heard the horrific news of Heath's death on my way from Cook Chefin'. I have to admit that it bummed me out. I started thinking about people in my past who have died from drugs and people in present who are still addicted to them. My mind started to wonder back to my own dark ages when I myself could have ended up face down and dead. I am lucky as I got past my addictions and was able to thrive as a woman, a young adult, and a mother. Others are not so lucky.

Last picture of Heath Ledger taken 3 days before his untimely death

The thing about drugs and being an addict is that sense of invincibility. Every time you shoot up, every time you put something up your nose, the fear of consequence flies out the window. Combine that with fame & fortune and the outcome is always bleak. I have seen the devastation an addict can project firsthand, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It is no fun having a relationship with an addict. They try their damnedest to take you down with them.

Having heard that Heath was addicted to heroin I can understand why Michelle Williams left him. The thought of your child coming into contact with anything related to heroin or the drug itself is enough to make a woman mad. I know.

It is just a sad end to a life. We have heard it before. It has happened to many. When a child is involved it is especially heart wrenching. I could never imagine what that kind of loss must feel like. I am blessed with a man that loves me (and is drug free) and two kids who amaze me & make me fall in love with them more and more each day. I am a lucky girl.

My thoughts go out to the family, the friends, and that baby girl. I hope that she will someday find peace with her father for leaving her so soon.

Heath Ledger & Baby Girl Matilda

No Winter Blues For Us!

Although staying inside is tough, there is nothing better than going paint crazy with CatcherCrazyFace.

An Open Letter to Potato

Dear Potato,

I love you and I am so glad that I took you home that day in Tompkins Square Park. You might be the coolest dog ever. However I have some issues...
What I really need from you is to stop scratching. I know that your itchy and are allergic to everything. But you are making me insane.

When I wake up I hear scratching.
When I go to sleep I hear scratching.
At 3am I hear scratching.
In my dreams I hear scratching.


It is enough to make a chick go crazy. And now you are starting to howl. Not cool dude. Not cool.

I understand that you have bad skin. Hell you are by far the most expensive free dog ever. I am doing all that I can. I bathe you daily. I crush pills for you. I even have a super expensive doggie dermatologist's appointment scheduled for you in May. But the itching and scratching and howling has got to stop.

No worries. I still love you. Especially your super warm belly.

CW

Weekend Night TV SUX

All TV sux. But weekend night TV blows. That's why I have just polished off a bottle of this really yummy sustainable organic wine called Bell Mountain. The Red 2003. Fancy that.

I am so bored. I have been on the internet for the past 3 hours and I have gotten nothing accomplished. I've been dicking around on myspace looking up people I don't give a damn about like these bitches I saw the other night at Cento. Then somehow I got distracted by an ad for that family tree website and I started researching my family's genealogy. WTF. Anything to avoid cleaning my house.

Now I am searching for houses to buy. We can't afford to pay for the cable but lord knows we can buy a $400,000 home...Seriously though, I did find the perfect house for us. And it's by Bron Bron's house so maybe the chef & him can become buddies and shoot hoops.

I am freakin' hilarious when I drink. I love it.

Well my lovely readers I guess I am gonna succumb to the Saturday night Law & Order marathon. Check ya later.

Champagne & Chimpanzees

Aren't we cute?

I am so so so so so so exhausted today. Last night I worked as a 'bartender' at Bar Cento for their Rock & Roll Wine Project. It was cool & fun but I definitely have a lot to learn about vino. You can only say the wine is 'earthy' so many times. Sooner or later someone's gonna call your bluff.

My big mistake today was thinking I could take the kiddies to The Rainforest. For some reason I thought the damp air and chimpanzee smell would cure my hangover. It didn't. Catcher threw a fit in the parking lot while Louisiana was screaming. It was about 20 degrees out and I was rockin' a tee shirt. Not so fun. That's what I get for getting drunk on a school night.

Conversations w/ Catcher

Catcher: What is that is? (pointing to my shirt)
Chef's Widow: It's a snowboarder honey." (having absolutely no idea what is actually on my shirt)
Catcher: "No mommy it's a robot."
Chef's Widow: "Ok. Whatever you say."
Catcher: "I hab it."
Catcher: "Take it off."
Chef's Widow: "What????"
Catcher: "Take it off now mommy I wear it NOW."

The Result:

Cook Chefin' with Catcher & Lou

I freakin' love my kids. Honestly they are so cool and awesome. I am not quite sure how it happened. You would think mixing the chef & my DNA would not turn out so well. He being a hyper maniac and me being a slightly insane creative genius. I kid. I kid.

Last night we packed up the car, which is a feat in itself, and headed downtown to the chef's restaurant. Every Tuesday they have Cook Chefin' night. The chef guides kids into making their own pizzas. They get to put on the sauce, the toppings, and the cheese and then the Chef puts it in the oven. It is great fun and the boy really loves it.

Eating pizza & watching Scooby Doo. The best things in life are at Bar Cento.

He should love it considering he named the night. Every time the chef goes to work, the boy says "Daddy's going cook chefin.'" Cute & effective.

Back to last night. It was getting busy and Catcher was getting ansy. Lou was checking out the lights and I was trying to eat my prociutto pizza without spilling every topping onto my Frampton Comes Alive vintage tee or onto my daughter's head. So Catcher is all done with his pizza and decides he is going to hang with another group of kids at a different table. He sits on a moms lap and joins the party. Granted we knew one of the guys in the group but still it was absolutely hilarious that he just fit right in. He is such a goober.

I think that it is so great that the chef makes such an effort at having kids in his restaurant. In Cleveland most people who enjoy good restaurants shun children. The restaurant do as well. That is the exact opposite of NYC. Many restaurants made an effort to include kids. Especially restaurants in Brooklyn like Bubby's & Applewood. They wanted to influence and inspire the kids to eat good food. Not the processed boxed and now possibly cloned shit that comes out TGI Friday's.

I hope that he inspires more restaurants in Cleveland to take an active role in educating kids about healthy, local, & organic foods. I know that he will continue to do so with every restaurant he is involved with.

Long Way Round III: Bike 4 Food

The Chef or Ewan?

Last night as I lay in bed watching my favorite man (besides my hubs) Ewan McGregor, travel the world on a motorbike in his fantastic show, Long Way Round, I had an idea.

What if they did a Long Way Round food edition?
It could be two chefs,
(obviously my chef & this guy) & possibly Ewan McGregor(girl can dream can't she?).

They could plan a trip that not only focused on riding but would also make pit stops at various food establishments (could be well known & not so well known) throughout whatever countries their tour goes through.

You see on the first Long Way Round they rode their bike from London through Russia to The Bering Straight to Alaska and then down to NYC. They took 15 weeks and met some crazy ass people along the way. If you haven't seen check it out. Fox Reality always does Long Way Round marathons.

This adventure could consists of doing a bike trip through all The Americas or maybe Africa. I mean has there ever really been a food show in Africa?

Anyways, I think it is an awesome idea. Especially if Ewan got on board cuz although my husband and this guy are pretty good to look at, they are no match for Mr. McGregor.

To Be a Chef's Widow

My job as a single mother has resumed. The chef's 10 day vacation has come to an end. It was a fantastic 10 days that were dearly needed on both ends.

I truly enjoy being a stay at home mom immensely but having the chef around full time is awesome. Not only is our relationship reaffirmed and great, but our house is now a super organized machine. The garage is no longer a den of garbage and Catcher's room actually has a floor. Amazing right?

I have to admit that I am a bit bummed that the chef has to go back to the kitchen. We had so much fun watching movies, drinking wine, and generally hanging out. Something we haven't done in such a long time. When you think about it we really don't ever spend that much time together. I would have to say on average we hang out about 10 hours a week. Which is fine. If there was anymore time we would probably kill each other. He drives me crazy. I drive him crazy. But that's the beauty of our marriage. We don't have to be together all the time to have a strong relationship.

I knew going in that the chef wouldn't ever have a normal schedule. I knew that there would be no Friday night date nights or family dinnertime. I have come to terms that no matter where the chef's career goes we will not have the normal 9-5 schedule. Which is fine. 9-5'ers suck anyways.

I married a chef. A busy chef with dreams of restaurants, books, farms, & food. In turn I became a chef's widow. I deal with the smells of food, the hours of a restaurant, and the fact that even after my chef becomes a household name he will still work a million hours. I accept the facts that my kids will always like the chef's cooking over mine. I know that in the long run being a Chef's Widow was the thing that I was meant to do. I like it and I sure as hell couldn't see myself hitched to anyone else. Plus it helps to know that behind every great chef there is a widow going through the same shit I go through everyday, every year. And everyone knows that it's not the food that makes the chef, but the widow behind him...

Technical Difficulties Again

My computer sucks. My new computer sucks. Can't a girl get a break.

One Lucky Mamma

Catcher & Lou ham it up for the camera

My fat ass...

has got to go. It has been almost 3 months since I gave birth to Lou and I have yet to hit the gym. I just can't seem to ever find the time. Who would have thought that I don't have any time with 2 kids under age 3? Plus going to the gym in my town means I will no doubt run into someone from my high school. And that means they will get to see what a fatass I have become in ten short crazy years.

God, I am such a shallow biatch. An old shallow biatch at that.

But really folks, I have never weighed this much in my life. Even when I got back from Italy, [where I gained almost 20lbs by way of Guinness & Hash] I didn't even come close to the beast that I am now.

Chubbs & Chubette

I just need to get my ass in gear and work out some kind of schedule with the chef. I should really go in the morning and run before he goes to work but I just love love love sleep. I suck. I am the worst exerciser ever. I've gotta do something before my double chin turns into a triple and you won't be able to see my neck anymore...

How Different can 2 Babies Be?

Catcher @ 2 Months (8lbs)

Lou @ 2 Months (15lbs)

Who's That Whore?

Today as I was driving over to my sister in laws house I found myself listening to a radio show that I had never even heard of before. The Maxwell Show. What caught my ear was the question the host kept asking people. "Who's that whore?" At first I thought he was saying "who's that door" but as the show continued I figured out that it was a game.

The host of the show was taking callers to try and guess who this so called 'whore' was. They played a clip of a mystery woman speaking about being proud to be a woman and a mother. She was saying that she believes woman to be smart, strong, and independent.

Someone finally guessed it right after about 5 callers (including 1 female caller) and the mysery 'whore' ended up being Faith Hill. A wife, a mother, and a super successfully country singer. When this caller guessed correctly, a jingle was played with a booming voice that screamed "you nailed that whore.' As I continued to listen to this chauvinistic and ignorant radio show I steamed. I couldn't believe that they actually got away with having a game on the radio calling out successful independent strong woman as whores.

I wrote down everything I heard just so I could find out what kind of asshole thinks that calling a woman a whore is funny. I looked up The Maxwell show on WMMS 100.7 FM as soon as I got home. I found their website and was absolutely floored when I saw this:

They promote their sexist agenda on a daily basis. It wasn't just some kind of fluke, let's demean a woman day, but it is an actual daily segment on their show. Unbelievable. The most horrible thing is that this kind of behavior in public gives the go ahead to young boys to treat woman poorly. This kind of show instills lack of respect. It promotes ignorance. Basically it sucks. And people listen. Amazing.

I am not quite sure where I want to go with all this. I really think I may drop Faith Hill a line and let her know that two poser's in Cleveland are calling her a whore. Yep, that's exactly what I am going to do. Anyone know how to get a hold of Miss Hill?

Conversations w/ Catcher

Catcher: "I hungry mommy."
Chef's Widow: "What do you want to eat baby?"
Catcher: "I go to grocery store."
Chef's Widow: "Ok, sounds good kid."
Catcher: "See you later mommy! (proceeds to walk to front door)"
Chef's Widow: "Ok see you later Catcher."
Catcher: (putting on his boots and coat) "I drive now in mommy's car, bye bye, I'll be right back."
"Hold still mommy, be back in a minute."
"I lub you."
(Tries the childproof door knob)
"Mommy not working, you fix it I go to grocery store."
Chef's Widow: "No baby I'll make you something no grocery store."
Catcher: (five minute fit protesting mommy's food)

Looks like even a two year old knows I can't cook worth a damn. Thank god I married a chef or the kid would never eat.