Lucky Mamma

I am

The Family That Sleds Together

is AWESOME!!!!

And if I'm honest...a bit horny

Fanfuckingtastic.

Blogger Bites My Ass

I really need to get the hell away from blogger. It is so so so soooooooooooo SLOW to load and now it won't let me upload any pictures. I guess I am going to have change servers this is just too much. I really don't have an hour to fuck around with blogger and then have nothing come of it. Hopefully it will start to not suck so I can post what the hell I have been trying to post. Ahhhhhh!

The Chef & The Iron Chef

My fabulous is on Iron Chef America this Sunday eve helping out his buddy Mike Symon. Good times. Great Fun. Secret Ingredient: Thumper.

Mommy gots her hair did

After an all nighter with biggie smalls I decided that the only thing that would cure my anxiety (besides a kettle one dirty martini w/ blue cheese olives) was a new 'do.

I Hate Winter & Ice & Black Ice & Snow & Driving in the Snow...

When is this damn winter going to be over?????

I feel like a caged bird. The boy is losing it. The chef is losing it. I am losing it. Even Potato & Vito fear the outside as it is too cold for their precious skin. Biggie Smalls is the only one of us who hasn't lost it~ but that's just because bouncin' makes her happy. So so so so happy.

Welcome to Cleveland Bitches!

It was 65 yesterday. Today there's an ice storm. Awesome. Totally awesome.

Without the Bitter...

So many things are insanely bitter right now. I just don't have it in me to pour it all on the page.

To cure the boredom stop by and check out the boy & biggie smalls' webpage.

If you feel like laughing or watching robots check out the boy's YouTube. It is not funny at all.

Congrats Kim C. on winning the Rock-n-Tots & Cook Chefin' passes!!

And another thing...How is it possible that one man can look so damn good in a skirt?

My other man: Mr. Ewan McGregor in NYC

Caption This Contest!!!

Leave me comments or caption this picture and win!!!!!

2 Passes to Rock-n-Tots



&


2 Passes to Cook Chefin'

***Both of these prizes take place in the Cleveland area***Good Luck!

Anniversaries Suck

I must say that our past two anniversaries have been far from exciting. The last anniversary, the chef went to jail and this one felt like jail. I was under the impression that anniversaries were supposed to be full of fun, sex, and booze. Kinda like Spring Break. Apparently I was misinformed.

Last night was a bust. We went out to dinner, had an ok meal that was way overpriced, and the chef was in a sour mood. So sour that we probably should have gone home after dinner but he wanted to go hang at one of his chef friend's restaurant. That was super duper fun. I really enjoy talking shop on my only night out with the chef in what seems like forever.

So now I am in a sour mood and I have to bartend tonight with the chef for Rock & Roll Wine Project. Yippee!!

***update***after I got some coffee in my tired ass my sour mood has gone away. The boy has also contributed by being so insane that I can't help but laugh.

Happy Two Years Chefster!

The moment after the Chef asked me to be his blushing bride in Key West...

Our 1st Wedding @ The Senior Center (yes... there was a Canasta tourney going on)

Classin' in up in Jebus' house

Doing what I do best in St. Barth's on our honeymoon

#1

Taking a Break from that Ohh So Important Harry Potter book

#2

No Kindergarten for Catcher

Looks like my boy is gonna miss out on some kindergarten action.

Poor kid.

Stupid ass Cleveland.

Way to focus on a non issue baby boomer's!

Buy This Book

My MOSTEST favorite mommy blogger wrote a book. It's called Rockabye: From Wild to Child. Buy it. Here. Now.

Conversations w/ Catcher

This one is NOT for the faint at heart. It's about poop. So if you don't like that shitty stuff then skip this one.

Catcher: "I have to pee! I have to pee!" (runs to toilet)

Chef's Widow: "Ok buddy." (walking past)

Catcher: "I pooping mommy!"

Chef's Widow: "Ok Catcher, great." (stopping to look in the bathroom to make sure he is still on the toilet)

Catcher: "C'mon poop!." (looking down into the toilet) "Let's go poop, C'mon" (still looking into the pot)

Catcher: "Mommy I just did a BIG poop ball." "It's really big!" (so so so excited, motions for me to come check it out)

Catcher: "Mommy, here comes another one." "C'mon poop ball, let's go!" (exclaims very strongly)

Mommy: "Great job Catcher. Great job." (so happy he is poddy trained, not so happy for the play by play on the shape and size of his shit).

Who Knew Ben Affleck was Funny?

A few weeks ago I posted a great little video starring Matt Damon & Sarah Silverman. This video is Jimmy Kimmel's retaliation. It's got a whole bunch of famous peeps, man cut-offs, and McLoving.

Out All Night

I can't even begin to explain what is going on right now but let's just say that someone got home at 8 am this morning. And it wasn't Catcher. Or Vito. Or Potato...

Lunar Eclipse's are Cool but...

man are they boring!

I sat outside to watch the eclipse and about froze my ass off. I think I may have caught pneumonia. Thank you lunar eclipse.

Conversations w/ Catcher

Widow: "What do you want for dinner honey?"

Catcher: "Chicken & Trees (aka broccoli), Mom."

Widow: Ok, I'll cook it for you."

Catcher: "NOOOOOOOOOO! No like your chicken. Only daddy's!!! {temper tantrum begins}

Widow: "Well babe, daddy is at work so mommy has to cook dinner tonight."

Catcher: "No mom, YOU go to work. No like your cook chefin'. No like your chicken!


I proceed to cook the chicken & somehow overcook canned corn. I plate it and we sit down to eat.



Widow: "How's the chicken babes?"

Catcher: "Really good, I lub Daddy's chicken." {at this point tries to hug the chicken wing.}

Widow: "Me too babes. Me too."

No Kids on a Monday

I have absolutely nothing to post about due to the fact that the fabulous chef of mine took the kids all day yesterday and let me have a day to myself. I shopped, I got a massage, I did my nails (which I haven't done in two years), I drank Flemish Sour Ale, I threw my crappy no carb diet out the window, and I rocked out to Kanye. Life is good. And now my brain is mush. I feel like this guy.

"Nature's prime favourites were the Pelicans;
High-fed, long-lived, and sociable and free."

A Thunder Hating Robot Lives in My House

Ummm....can you say hilarious?

The Chef & I

The chef and I met in high school. I had transfered from an all girls Catholic school to the public school. It was a drastic change and at the time I couldn't have been happier. The public school was all sorts of fun whereas the all girls school was all sorts of rules & college prep. yuck.

I hooked up with some popular girls and was immediately granted access to the scene. The scene consisted of driving around the neighborhoods in search of a house party, shot gunning natty light and smoking weed out of super cool color changing hand blown glass pipes that we bought at The Wax Factory. Can you say awesome?

I remember the day the chef asked me to be his girlfriend. We went out, mostly likely to see The Daytrippers (one of our faves), and then we parked in the cul-de-sac next to my house. We may have been drinking beer out of a can. I can barely remember.
He confessed his love to me in his crappy blue 1989 Toyota Corolla. After that we were a couple. For a little while. I think two years.

During that two years we did the high school break up one week get back together the next week. We also managed to find time to smoke a lot of pot, hang out on his parents roof, and have school night sleepovers. Sorry Mrs. S. We also fell in love. Teenage love.

He was my first real boyfriend, if you don't count the 2 month relationship I had with his distant cousin (never knew it then). I thought he was the coolest dude around. He wore red cords for chrissakes. Any dude that can get away with wearing red cords in high school is either super gay or super sweet. The chef was the latter. Obviously. Although he scammed me on prom which I have yet to forgive him for but that's another post all together. **

It was great fun and I always looked fondly upon the relationship. Even after I mangled his heart a week after I graduated high school.

We always kept in touch during and after college, in fact I am pretty sure we saw each other every Christmas. And when I say saw each other what I really mean is...well use your imaginations.

When I graduated from Crackron, the Chef was living on the lower east side of Manhattan and working at Charlie Palmer's Kitchen 22. He needed a roommate and I needed to get the fuck out of Ohio. My grandma had just passed away and I was really bummed. Everything and everywhere reminded me of the times we had and the time we didn't. So I packed up my sweet ass Chevy Cavalier with clothes & Vito and I drove to a city that I had never once stepped foot in.


The Chef & I in the LES (could we be any whiter?)


I remember when I first saw the chef's apartment (that cost $1650/month), I nearly packed my car back up and drove back to Ohiya. It was filled with roaches and grossness. It smelled like my butt. Seriously. And then when I found out the chef was dating this amazon woman named Tequila, I really did pack my car. The Chef later unpacked it again for me.

The first couple months were an adjustment. I didn't have a job, there was a nekkid amazon chick walking around my apartment, and I may have been hitting the sauce a little too much. I eventually got a job as a waitress (a terrible waitress) which then opened the door to a night club event planning job. It was hardcore. My hours were shit as were the chef's but somehow we managed to start 'seeing' each other...even though we already lived together.

It gets a little fuzzy because I was also 'seeing' a Frenchman and apparently the chef was unaware of our open relationship. He gave me an ultimatum. Well not so much an ultimatum as the boot. He kicked me out. Twice. And then we lived happily ever after. Wooo Whoo!

Just kidding. We eventually went through some more shit, my job usually being the main issue. It's no fun to date someone who gets paid to stay out all night at a club. You know?

But then something clicked inside me. I finally began to understand why we had stayed in touch all those years. I understood that we were supposed to be in each other's life. We were meant to be in love. He was always the one.

And then came the kicker.

After about a year of all this we found out were knocked up. And his reaction couldn't have been better. While I was scared shitless, he was ecstatic. He stood by my side and told me that we were going to be alright. Whatever we did he would be there for his family. And right then I knew I would marry him.
Eventually.
And I did. Eventually.
And I would do it again ever year if I could.


The Chef & I at Cibar (prechildren)


As we come up on our two year anniversary of marriage, our 10 year anniversary of dating (w/ a 6 year break) I can't help but find myself smiling as I remember living in that god forsaken roach infested apartment on the LES and waking up every morning next to my future husband.

I'm Sleeping with a Rising Star

The long list of James Beard Awards 2008 nominees have just been announced, via distribution to Beard judges. Voting has begun. Only Gramercy Tavern and Jean Georges made the cut for Outstanding Restaurant, one of the most prestigious awards given out at the show. And three New Yorkers—Wesley Genovart of Degustation, Gavin Kaysen of Café Boulud, and Ryan Skeen of Resto— have a chance at Rising Star Chef, won last year by one David Chang.


Guess who made it in for Rising Star Chef this year?

I'll give you a hint. He spoons with Potato pitbull.

Full Story Here

List of noms (including the fantastic Jonathon Sawyer & the amazing Michael Symon) HERE.

Watch out America. Cleveland is taking charge.

Spooning with a Pitbull

Sometimes I want to kill the chef. Or at least maim him. This morning is one of those mornings.

You see when we had Catcher, the chef was the most amazing man (still is, different way). He took care of Catcher all night so I could sleep. He changed diapers on the regular and he helped clean the house with actual cleaning products.


Baby #2 rolls around and dude has disappeared at night. I got baby girl waking up with a cough looking for boob. I got the boy waking up to play cars & drink milk. All at 3 am. And guess who is spooning with Potato pit bull? All the while I am up to my wits in shit, milk, and matchbox cars.

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

What happened to that angel of a man? Why did he only show up for the first baby?
I'll tell you why. The novelty of a new baby has worn off. With Catcher it was a whole new world. Everything he did was amazing including shitting & spitting up.

Now it's just hard messy work, especially @ 3am.

I am definitely not trying to say the chef doesn't pull his weight. He does. He still changes diapers. He does laundry (sort of-actually he just does like 8 loads and then throws it in our room for me to fold), he does the dishes like clockwork every morning. He makes coffee. Sometimes he even sticks around long enough to make us breakfast.

He is a very helpful man, especially with his fucked up schedule.

Girl could use a break though. Just one full night of sleep would be cool.

Hint~*~CHEF this post is a hint of what I want for Valentine's day.

Obviously No Relation

Catcher (6 mos) & Lou (3 1/2 mos) look nothing alike. And we had hoped that she looked more like me...

Fu@k the Snowbelt

I know that we live in Ohio but this shit is ridiculous.

My kids are finally better and it's too damn cold to go anywhere.

Even if we did decided to get bundled up and go somewhere, the people driving on the roads are so retarded that it would probably take us two days to get two miles.

New Orleans is calling my name.

{'move here widow... it's warm and we make really good gumbo and collards.
move here widow... you can eat beignets and drink really good french coffee every morning. move here widow... catcher can go to school with brad & angie's kids.
move here widow...practice voodoo and listen to jazz.'}

Someday NOLA, someday.

Let the Recovery Begin

I may have been going a little overboard lately with the beverages and this past weekend proved to be no different. Friday night we took Catcher & his cousins (3 boys under 10) to the Lake Erie Monsters hockey game. We had gotten them tix as Xmas presents. Catcher was still a bit under the weather however his fever was gone and he really wanted to go.

When we arrived, I immediately consumed (2) $6.25 plastic bottles of Bud Light. Yumster! Catcher got his hair painted and some Monsters tattoo's. He also met a older lady friend (age 9 and sat with her for the entire second half. He even put his arm around her. Awwwww.

We got to see three staged fights and eat dollar hot dogs. Not much in life that is better than that.

I think everyone had a good time however the next morning sucked. Shitty beer and lack of sleep does not do a widow any good.

On Saturday the entire family headed to downtown Cleveland for Rock-n-Tots. Again Catcher was still hurting but he trudged through the three floors of fun like a champ. Lou even got into the spirit. She baby bjorned it all day and we barely heard a peep.


Gotta love a three month old baby.



As the chef watched both kiddies dance, get more tattoos and have tunnel races, I helped myself to 2.5 glasses of $8.00 merlot (pronounce the 'T'). Not a good idea friends. My tolerance is so low that 2.5 glasses of shitty merlot (pronounce the 'T') gets me loaded. I started pounding waters but by the time I left I was hurting. Thank god when we got home the kids were both wiped and fell asleep. Perfect time for me to catch up on Lost.

And Jebus' day proved to be no different than the two previous. The chef & I had a date to go see There Will Be Blood in the afternoon. We dropped the kids off at the in laws and made our way to the suburban sprawl of a mall. We bought a large popcorn (like either of us need it) and settled in. The movie was good. Long and Paul Thomas Andersonish, but good. Daniel Day Lewis was phenomenal. Obviously. He goes to places that no one has ever gone to before on film. It is astounding. His posture alone made the character of Daniel Plainview. It was so unreal.
His supporting actor, Paul Dano (from Little Miss Sunshine) was also unbelievable and I am really surprised that he didn't get an Oscar nod.

After the flick we hung at the in laws and I may have had a few glasses of Amarone. This may have inspired me to drink 3 glasses of Shiraz when we got home. I was watching the Grammy's. It was hella boring. So I got hella drunk. Well hella drunk for me. It was the first time since I had Lou that I was really concerned about nursing. So I did the whole pump and dump thing and then fed baby girl cereal until a few hours had passed. Doing this allowed me to wake up at 4am. Which I really wanted to do.
Now I am a tired mess, my walls are breathing, it's too cold to leave the house, and I have a three day hangover. Real nice. I think I have had enough of the drink for at least two weeks or at least till the Chef's Beer Dinner.
This weekend has made me realize that I am so thankful the Chef rarely has a free weekend. Cuz girl can't kick it like she used to. This widow is getting to be a golden oldie. Pretty soon I'll be going on superbowl cruises and eating dinner at 5 o'clock.

Baby Hates Bottle

My girl loves the boob (as does the chef:). She eats alot. She's three months old and barely fits into 6 month clothes. She's big. She's thriving. Girl loves life. What girl doesn't love is the bottle. In fact she hates the bottle. She absolutely refuses to take it.

Which is making mamma crazy.

We (my mother in law & I) have been trying to get her to use the bottle. I drop Lou off for a couple hours and pray she takes it. But she doesn't. She just screams. And screams. And screams.

What's a girl to do?

Today I introduced her to my new best friend Earth's Best Organic Rice Cereal. She loved it. Girl ate like 4 ozs in two minutes.
Thank you JEBUS!
My non exsistent social life can resume~

Aiuto! Aiuto!

As you may have noticed I have been messing with the layout of this blog. I like it right now however I would like my logo to be bigger and I can't figure that out and I would like to add a left sidebar. Can anybody help? I would be in your debt foreva!

Check out the new layout over at The Awesome Adventures of CatcherCrazyFace & Lala Louisana. It kicks ass.

Sicko

The boy is sick again. I hate winter. And other kids. They are just such disease passers.

I really don't hate other kids (well some), it's just that whenever my boy hangs with anyone under legal drinking age he gets sick. Now he's got some kind of fever allergy thing. Looks like we'll be recluses again this week.

I think that I really need to take my annual sabbatical to my birthplace. St. Pete Beach in Florida. This is the first year that I haven't been to Florida in the winter in almost 10 years. Crazy. I think I am going have to pull a fast one and bum along on my dad's annual Florida trip or I may lose my mind and have to start taking drugs for some made up seasonal disorder. (I know seasonal disorders exist, shit I have one, I just don't think you need drugs to cure them, I think you need sun)

I really do need to go to Florida but I am guessing there is no way the chef can take off anytime considering how slammed the restaurant has been this past month. Maybe I'll buy a sun lamp.